We love our children like crazy...and we would do anything for them. We feed and clothe them, hug and love them and watch with pride as they grow. We run to catch them as they learn to walk, learn to ride a bicycle without training wheels or when they climb up on a chair. Heck, we would put them in bubble wrap if we could to protect them. Yup, we love them THAT much!
But what happens when we are not there? Who will help them when they fall if they can't help themselves? So, that poses the question...how do you teach your children to fall, lose or even fail?
"Uhhh", you say? "Why would I want to see any of those things happen to MY child?" Because, my dear, that is where the real learning takes place.
Think about it. The best lesson you learned is when you lost that job because you were sneaking fries or when you called in sick and then were spotted at the concert. Your momma told you all day long to be honest, to tell the truth, however, sadly, it is the lesson learned the hard way that you most remember. Does it HAVE to be that way? No. But often times our imperfections...or our inflated self-image telling us that "no one will notice or care" get the better of us---- especially if we were raised in a "you can do anything you want" environment. It would be a parent's dream-come-true if ALL lessons were learned by simple instruction...rather than by life experiences.
In order to be a good winner you have to be a good loser. Who is going to teach your child not to gloat or throw a fit.... to win AND lose graciously....if not for you. We can not manipulate the circumstances of our children's lives to make everything fair and perfect....and then expect that as teenagers they understand the trials and tribulations of a less than perfect, and most certainly un-fair, world. It isn't fair when someone else gets the promotion that you think you deserve...and if all they know is being a sore loser and quitting when the going gets tough..... will they quickly quit the job?? What about later, will they quit college...their marriage?
I have known parents who would have an all-out melt down if their child's play-date was cancelled. Oh no, WHAT were they going to do? After-all...they didn't want their precious child to be DISAPPOINTED! ARGH! So they would scramble to make it to ChuckECheese or a movie so that there would be no sad faces.
Cry me a river! Teach your child that there will be times when things don't work out as planned and help them make choices NOT to be disarmed by them!
Am I advocating that we tell our children that life is tough....get a helmet? No! I am merely saying that as much as we teach them to say "please" and "thank-you", we should also include teaching them how to roll with the punches.
Be the Parent and love them into being healthy individuals with good self-images by teaching them that there is a lot to learn in a mistake, in a lost job, in a missed opportunity and even in failure. Help them to be proud of themselves for not only making it through a difficult circumstance......but also for making better choices next time.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Shopping With The Kids.
IS it unreasonable to expect to be able to grocery shop with 5 children?? THAT conjures up a chaotic picture doesn't it? Lets face it, we have seen our share of haggard moms trying to get through the grocery store with a few of the things on her list while her kids were running up and down the isles grabbing and throwing things, arguing with each other or whining "but I WANT that cereal..." while mom seems oblivious to it all.
Does it have to be like that? No. But if you are expecting your children to automatically know how to behave in the grocery store or any situation... you are in for a rude awakening!! That would be the same as you being dropped off in a foreign country with the expectation that you will just KNOW their customs and how to navigate their city streets. Can you say FRUSTRATION?
Whether you have 2 children, 5 children or more, you CAN take them to a store and accomplish your intended agenda....but it will take some work to get there.
There are many things to consider when you load your brood up and head for the store....do NOT take your children if they are tired and hungry....you don't enjoy being dragged around when you are hungry and tired...do you? Pick a time when you will have your greatest success....you KNOW your kids.
Next... make short trips. Go to the grocery store with low expectations about what you will purchase and high expectations about teaching and training your children. Make SURE they are aware of what you expect before you enter the doors: you expect them to use their inside voices, stay close by you, keep their hands to themselves and not to ask for anything that is not on the list-- and if they behave there will be a reward at the end. But be prepared to leave the grocery cart, suffer your embarrassment and leave the store if your children misbehave. They need to know you mean what you say.
Do short trips a few times....praise good behavior and coach them about what they need to do better next time.
NOW, for the all-out I-have-to-take-the-kids-with-me grocery trip. Again, make sure it is good timing -- the kids have been fed and are not ready for nap. Be sure you have a list with you, otherwise you can get lost in the process of trying to remember what you need and forget to keep an eye on your kids. Here comes the fun part....involve your kids in the process. It is BORING to walk up and down grocery isles for an hour or so.. I would get cranky if I had nothing to DO. Age appropriately....let one child hold the coupons, ask others to locate products you name ( cereal, vegetables...etc), smaller children can be asked to point out products that are a certain color or have an animal on them ( whatever game you create to keep them happy). Well, you get the picture. Older children can be given a part of the list and a cart to do part of the shopping on their own. Reward good behavior with a treat at the end.....and meet bad behavior with a consequence ( once they have been taught and trained and KNOW what is expected of them of course).
It seems like a lot of work doesn't it? And the easier thing to do would be to leave your children at home with an adult or babysitter....but would they be prepared in case you HAD to take them?
The more time you take to teach and train your children, the greater the success for you all and the more positive times you will have with them as you journey out into this busy world!
BE THE MOM: Teach and train for success!
Does it have to be like that? No. But if you are expecting your children to automatically know how to behave in the grocery store or any situation... you are in for a rude awakening!! That would be the same as you being dropped off in a foreign country with the expectation that you will just KNOW their customs and how to navigate their city streets. Can you say FRUSTRATION?
Whether you have 2 children, 5 children or more, you CAN take them to a store and accomplish your intended agenda....but it will take some work to get there.
There are many things to consider when you load your brood up and head for the store....do NOT take your children if they are tired and hungry....you don't enjoy being dragged around when you are hungry and tired...do you? Pick a time when you will have your greatest success....you KNOW your kids.
Next... make short trips. Go to the grocery store with low expectations about what you will purchase and high expectations about teaching and training your children. Make SURE they are aware of what you expect before you enter the doors: you expect them to use their inside voices, stay close by you, keep their hands to themselves and not to ask for anything that is not on the list-- and if they behave there will be a reward at the end. But be prepared to leave the grocery cart, suffer your embarrassment and leave the store if your children misbehave. They need to know you mean what you say.
Do short trips a few times....praise good behavior and coach them about what they need to do better next time.
NOW, for the all-out I-have-to-take-the-kids-with-me grocery trip. Again, make sure it is good timing -- the kids have been fed and are not ready for nap. Be sure you have a list with you, otherwise you can get lost in the process of trying to remember what you need and forget to keep an eye on your kids. Here comes the fun part....involve your kids in the process. It is BORING to walk up and down grocery isles for an hour or so.. I would get cranky if I had nothing to DO. Age appropriately....let one child hold the coupons, ask others to locate products you name ( cereal, vegetables...etc), smaller children can be asked to point out products that are a certain color or have an animal on them ( whatever game you create to keep them happy). Well, you get the picture. Older children can be given a part of the list and a cart to do part of the shopping on their own. Reward good behavior with a treat at the end.....and meet bad behavior with a consequence ( once they have been taught and trained and KNOW what is expected of them of course).
It seems like a lot of work doesn't it? And the easier thing to do would be to leave your children at home with an adult or babysitter....but would they be prepared in case you HAD to take them?
The more time you take to teach and train your children, the greater the success for you all and the more positive times you will have with them as you journey out into this busy world!
BE THE MOM: Teach and train for success!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Who Are You Calling Strong Willed?
What do you call a strong willed child? Well, some people call them difficult, willful,spirited and disruptive. We just call them ..OURS!
Recently, I spoke to a group of moms about Discipline and The Strong Willed Child. Whew, what a topic. But I guess it takes one to know one...."strong will" runs in my family. The trick is using the character traits of a strong willed child for good and not evil!
Is a strong willed child birthed or created? The common consensus is - BOTH! The way a child is wired, the way he learns and sees the world shapes how he will respond to what is going on around him. Strong willed children are smart and often believe that justice should reign...even in an unjust world. They work hard to get the pieces to fit but are not usually tactful about any perceived injustice they experience. Thus the label "difficult". We, however, can cause a child to become strong willed if we are controlling and demanding; some children don't take kindly to being yelled at!
The strong willed child may look at you and say, " You can't MAKE me!", but he CAN be persuaded. Lets look at it this way: a compliant child may respond positively to a simple request to take cookies to her grandma while the exact same request may make a strong willed child balk. But if you say to your swc," would you please take these cookies to grandma because she fell and would really appreicate them"...THEN he will do what you have asked him to do....most of the time :-).
Intense, persistent, sensitive, ridgid and energetic may describe strong willed people, but also describes good leaders and those who are willing to fight for their rights and the rights of others. If you can help the swc understand that he doesn't have to be controlling and domineering, he can become a good leader.
I would like to tell you that the formula for disciplining a strong willed child is 2 time outs and 3 early to beds...and viola, he becomes compliant. Wouldn't THAT be lovely! After you stop laughing, remember that how you approach your child may determine how effective your discipline is. If you are strong willed --know when to back down and back off because a stand-off means no one gets what he wants and yelling means you have lost control-- of yourself. You can not teach self-control without demonstrating it. Pick your battles, be firm but fair, stay focused ( do NOT let the swc get you off track!) and give choices. Strong willed children are from the school of hard knocks, they would rather experience than listen. The best form of training is cause and effect: "if you want to ride your bike, you MUST wear your helmet-- no helmet, no bike"; "if you push to get up front, you will be moved to the back of the line",etc. The best forms of discipline * remove the child from the disruption ( if he is causing an argument, send him to time out) but if he is throwing a fit, *remove yourself from his presence; * find the currency that motivates your child and use it as leverage ( "you won't clean up your room? No beloved X-box until you do"); and finally, *make it clear! Anything you want him to do or not to do has to be clear and if you say there will be a consequence, you better make it happen. He HAS to believe you or all is lost. There is a lot of love in a NO!
Raising a strong willed child takes work, but that work in the early years provides great dividends as he grows up. My oldest swc hiked the Appalachian Trail ( I think because someone told him it couldn't be done) and is proud of his accomplishment. Three of my other children are working their way through college...determined to get it done-- no matter what! They have had great adventures - including out of country mission trips and are good leaders We sometimes have too many cooks in the kitchen, so to speak, but we really enjoy being together and know that we have each others back!
Recently, I spoke to a group of moms about Discipline and The Strong Willed Child. Whew, what a topic. But I guess it takes one to know one...."strong will" runs in my family. The trick is using the character traits of a strong willed child for good and not evil!
Is a strong willed child birthed or created? The common consensus is - BOTH! The way a child is wired, the way he learns and sees the world shapes how he will respond to what is going on around him. Strong willed children are smart and often believe that justice should reign...even in an unjust world. They work hard to get the pieces to fit but are not usually tactful about any perceived injustice they experience. Thus the label "difficult". We, however, can cause a child to become strong willed if we are controlling and demanding; some children don't take kindly to being yelled at!
The strong willed child may look at you and say, " You can't MAKE me!", but he CAN be persuaded. Lets look at it this way: a compliant child may respond positively to a simple request to take cookies to her grandma while the exact same request may make a strong willed child balk. But if you say to your swc," would you please take these cookies to grandma because she fell and would really appreicate them"...THEN he will do what you have asked him to do....most of the time :-).
Intense, persistent, sensitive, ridgid and energetic may describe strong willed people, but also describes good leaders and those who are willing to fight for their rights and the rights of others. If you can help the swc understand that he doesn't have to be controlling and domineering, he can become a good leader.
I would like to tell you that the formula for disciplining a strong willed child is 2 time outs and 3 early to beds...and viola, he becomes compliant. Wouldn't THAT be lovely! After you stop laughing, remember that how you approach your child may determine how effective your discipline is. If you are strong willed --know when to back down and back off because a stand-off means no one gets what he wants and yelling means you have lost control-- of yourself. You can not teach self-control without demonstrating it. Pick your battles, be firm but fair, stay focused ( do NOT let the swc get you off track!) and give choices. Strong willed children are from the school of hard knocks, they would rather experience than listen. The best form of training is cause and effect: "if you want to ride your bike, you MUST wear your helmet-- no helmet, no bike"; "if you push to get up front, you will be moved to the back of the line",etc. The best forms of discipline * remove the child from the disruption ( if he is causing an argument, send him to time out) but if he is throwing a fit, *remove yourself from his presence; * find the currency that motivates your child and use it as leverage ( "you won't clean up your room? No beloved X-box until you do"); and finally, *make it clear! Anything you want him to do or not to do has to be clear and if you say there will be a consequence, you better make it happen. He HAS to believe you or all is lost. There is a lot of love in a NO!
Raising a strong willed child takes work, but that work in the early years provides great dividends as he grows up. My oldest swc hiked the Appalachian Trail ( I think because someone told him it couldn't be done) and is proud of his accomplishment. Three of my other children are working their way through college...determined to get it done-- no matter what! They have had great adventures - including out of country mission trips and are good leaders We sometimes have too many cooks in the kitchen, so to speak, but we really enjoy being together and know that we have each others back!
Monday, December 6, 2010
Tis The Season To Be Frazzled, Fa La La La La La, lalalala
In what universe did we have FREE time that we can now fill with Christmas shopping? I have always had a deep respect for full-time moms, but I have a new found respect for women who work full time, go home to take care of children and household AND pull off a magical Christmas! Lets face it, at the end of any one's day.....there is little or no energy to trudge through the crowded stores to score the perfect gift~ or crank up the ovens to create Christmas confections! So, what is a woman to do??
For most it is too late to do a little shopping here and a little shopping there to be done by the 1st of December- then having Dec to just enjoy the Holiday activities- wouldn't THAT be Joyful! But it is not too late to let your fingers do the walking through the web pages! I have found that many companies are still offering free shipping and when you stack that with on-line coupons...there are some deals to be had. Shopping from the couch in your jammies will make the savings and/or convenience even sweeter. If you are apprehensive about ordering online, stick with the larger companies you recognize and places like Amazon or Overstock.com.
Hitting the malls? To keep your sanity, I would also suggest NOT TAKING YOUR CHILDREN out shopping with you. Make a plan... organize a day when grandparents keep the kids so you and hubs can fight through the crowds and knock that list out together~ which should include a nice dinner I might add. Single mom? Make arrangements with gal-pals to swap child care and go out shopping with another friend ( having someone to talk through purchases with can make your time more productive and lessen impulse buying).
If you are like me, you may not have large sums of money at one time and have to shop week to week. Follow the same game plan~on line shopping and/or have someone watch the kids while you shop with a friend and a LIST!
Short on cash ( still looking for the universe where there is extra money too!)? The year before last my family declared that all gifts had to come from GoodWill, McKays ( used book store) or any other second-hand store. It was one of the best Christmases we have EVER had! Siblings found classic Disney CDs in a gift set for a sister who loves the music from old Disney movies. We found great books on CDs for Uncles who are on the road a lot, great classic DVD Movies, some beautiful ceramic kitchen serving dishes that matched an Aunt's kitchen perfectly, and fabulous linen napkins for a family member who is going "green". Where there is a will to hunt there is a way to shop and still give gifts during this season of celebrating the Birthday of Jesus!
And do not forget the joy home baked goods bring to harried people who do not have time to bake for themselves ( I have a sister-in-law that bakes fudge pies for the men in the family every year and woe-be-it-unto-her if she should try to show up at the family Christmas gathering without them!)....there are some cute plates or containers at the dollar store that can make the gift even more festive.
Ms Cheap had a great article in the Sunday Tennessean rekindling the practice of giving coupons as gifts to one another. Wouldn’t YOU be thrilled to get a coupon for free babysitting, a day of cleaning your house or yard, or a dinner delivered to your door? The people on your list feel the same...the promise of a special night out with just mom and/or dad is a THRILL for children beyond compare!
Keep it simple and remember it is not about finding the PERFECT gift ( if one does exist) it IS about the people. Your kids really do want fun time with you making Gingerbread houses more than the gift that will be broken or forgotten before next Christmas rolls around. I have NEVER heard anyone complain when given a gift of any kind because it really is the thought that counts. Being remembered and blessed by family and friends recharges our Joy and declares the Love we have for one another.
All of this is to say, the only way to enjoy the Christmas season with your children is to get your frustrations with the WORK that goes along with the holidays under control by making a plan and executing it.
Merry Christmas! Be the Mom~ Shop without them and then sing with your kids and enjoy the sights, sounds and tastes of Christmas together. Share the Joy!
For most it is too late to do a little shopping here and a little shopping there to be done by the 1st of December- then having Dec to just enjoy the Holiday activities- wouldn't THAT be Joyful! But it is not too late to let your fingers do the walking through the web pages! I have found that many companies are still offering free shipping and when you stack that with on-line coupons...there are some deals to be had. Shopping from the couch in your jammies will make the savings and/or convenience even sweeter. If you are apprehensive about ordering online, stick with the larger companies you recognize and places like Amazon or Overstock.com.
Hitting the malls? To keep your sanity, I would also suggest NOT TAKING YOUR CHILDREN out shopping with you. Make a plan... organize a day when grandparents keep the kids so you and hubs can fight through the crowds and knock that list out together~ which should include a nice dinner I might add. Single mom? Make arrangements with gal-pals to swap child care and go out shopping with another friend ( having someone to talk through purchases with can make your time more productive and lessen impulse buying).
If you are like me, you may not have large sums of money at one time and have to shop week to week. Follow the same game plan~on line shopping and/or have someone watch the kids while you shop with a friend and a LIST!
Short on cash ( still looking for the universe where there is extra money too!)? The year before last my family declared that all gifts had to come from GoodWill, McKays ( used book store) or any other second-hand store. It was one of the best Christmases we have EVER had! Siblings found classic Disney CDs in a gift set for a sister who loves the music from old Disney movies. We found great books on CDs for Uncles who are on the road a lot, great classic DVD Movies, some beautiful ceramic kitchen serving dishes that matched an Aunt's kitchen perfectly, and fabulous linen napkins for a family member who is going "green". Where there is a will to hunt there is a way to shop and still give gifts during this season of celebrating the Birthday of Jesus!
And do not forget the joy home baked goods bring to harried people who do not have time to bake for themselves ( I have a sister-in-law that bakes fudge pies for the men in the family every year and woe-be-it-unto-her if she should try to show up at the family Christmas gathering without them!)....there are some cute plates or containers at the dollar store that can make the gift even more festive.
Ms Cheap had a great article in the Sunday Tennessean rekindling the practice of giving coupons as gifts to one another. Wouldn’t YOU be thrilled to get a coupon for free babysitting, a day of cleaning your house or yard, or a dinner delivered to your door? The people on your list feel the same...the promise of a special night out with just mom and/or dad is a THRILL for children beyond compare!
Keep it simple and remember it is not about finding the PERFECT gift ( if one does exist) it IS about the people. Your kids really do want fun time with you making Gingerbread houses more than the gift that will be broken or forgotten before next Christmas rolls around. I have NEVER heard anyone complain when given a gift of any kind because it really is the thought that counts. Being remembered and blessed by family and friends recharges our Joy and declares the Love we have for one another.
All of this is to say, the only way to enjoy the Christmas season with your children is to get your frustrations with the WORK that goes along with the holidays under control by making a plan and executing it.
Merry Christmas! Be the Mom~ Shop without them and then sing with your kids and enjoy the sights, sounds and tastes of Christmas together. Share the Joy!
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Do You Know Where Your Children Are?
More often than not, the question...."do you know where your children are" is directed toward parents of teens. But I would toss that question out to all parents. "WHAT?" You say..."how can anyone not know where their young children are?" And the answer would be...you would be surprised!
I recently talked with a life guard who works year-round at a local swim club. I asked him if he had ever had to save a life and he had a few stories to share. His stories of heroism seemed to have a theme....he had to jump in and save children who were unsupervised, children who were more or less left for the guards to tend. For example: one parent had walked away leaving a 3 year old in a float while she went to the sauna. This young life guard had to turn the child right-side-up after she had flipped over because no adult was with her. Other children found themselves in water over their head because their mothers were more interested in sun bathing than in the whereabouts of their child.
My pet peeve is watching parents walk with purpose to accomplish their own agenda while their children...even toddlers.... follow behind like little ducklings in a PARKING LOT! Small children can not be seen by drivers backing out of a parking space....they NEED the watchful eyes of their parents.
Have we become so fixated on our own importance and needs ~ not to mention our cell phones~ that we have forgotten our JOBS as parents? Have we imposed our parental duties on life guards and expected THEM to babysit our children? Have we asked the same of movie ushers, people who work at the mall or in play areas at restaurants?
Our children need our eyes, ears and wisdom to help them grow and become the wonderful adults we envision. Please do not think that I am saying that every accident a child suffers through is the parent's fault through negligence. Accidents DO happen. My encouragement is for parents to check in and be present with their children.
Take if from an almost empty-nester, the years go by WAY too fast. You may not believe it right now, but before long you are going to be longing for opportunities to have conversations with your children.
When they were young, there were no video players mysteriously dropping from the ceiling of the car to entertain my children ( yes, I am THAT old), all they had was me. We sang silly songs, and the kids learned how to count by counting cows or cars and they learned their colors and letters from road signs. (I have wondered recently if our children will be directionally challenged and lack the skills to read maps because they are constantly watching movies while riding in the car and the parents depend on the GPS to get them where they want to go. Just a thought.)
You may get your hair wet when the kids are splashing in the pool, but the smiles you share while your young child is leaning how to swim will be memories you keep in your heart looong after your suntan fades. And you might just try skipping as you hold your child's hand as you maneuver through the parking lot. Our children deserve our attention and care as well as our encouragement and protection.
Remember, you have a captive audience when you are driving down the road in your min-van or SUV. Your kids may moan when you sing to the oldies-but-goodies, but before long they will join in and giggle along.
Tune in, connect and share the joy.
Be the Parent: Be present.
I recently talked with a life guard who works year-round at a local swim club. I asked him if he had ever had to save a life and he had a few stories to share. His stories of heroism seemed to have a theme....he had to jump in and save children who were unsupervised, children who were more or less left for the guards to tend. For example: one parent had walked away leaving a 3 year old in a float while she went to the sauna. This young life guard had to turn the child right-side-up after she had flipped over because no adult was with her. Other children found themselves in water over their head because their mothers were more interested in sun bathing than in the whereabouts of their child.
My pet peeve is watching parents walk with purpose to accomplish their own agenda while their children...even toddlers.... follow behind like little ducklings in a PARKING LOT! Small children can not be seen by drivers backing out of a parking space....they NEED the watchful eyes of their parents.
Have we become so fixated on our own importance and needs ~ not to mention our cell phones~ that we have forgotten our JOBS as parents? Have we imposed our parental duties on life guards and expected THEM to babysit our children? Have we asked the same of movie ushers, people who work at the mall or in play areas at restaurants?
Our children need our eyes, ears and wisdom to help them grow and become the wonderful adults we envision. Please do not think that I am saying that every accident a child suffers through is the parent's fault through negligence. Accidents DO happen. My encouragement is for parents to check in and be present with their children.
Take if from an almost empty-nester, the years go by WAY too fast. You may not believe it right now, but before long you are going to be longing for opportunities to have conversations with your children.
When they were young, there were no video players mysteriously dropping from the ceiling of the car to entertain my children ( yes, I am THAT old), all they had was me. We sang silly songs, and the kids learned how to count by counting cows or cars and they learned their colors and letters from road signs. (I have wondered recently if our children will be directionally challenged and lack the skills to read maps because they are constantly watching movies while riding in the car and the parents depend on the GPS to get them where they want to go. Just a thought.)
You may get your hair wet when the kids are splashing in the pool, but the smiles you share while your young child is leaning how to swim will be memories you keep in your heart looong after your suntan fades. And you might just try skipping as you hold your child's hand as you maneuver through the parking lot. Our children deserve our attention and care as well as our encouragement and protection.
Remember, you have a captive audience when you are driving down the road in your min-van or SUV. Your kids may moan when you sing to the oldies-but-goodies, but before long they will join in and giggle along.
Tune in, connect and share the joy.
Be the Parent: Be present.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Fall Fun
The house is quiet; all my children have gone their respective ways~ one is living on a college campus, one in his apartment, one is at work, one is house sitting and one has flown away to Hawaii for a special Autumn vacation. There were times when the kids were little that I would have given away a kidney to barter some quiet time. Note to self: it isn't all it is cracked up to be. You laugh because, with young children nipping at your heels, you can't seem to imagine what "quiet" would be like.
The moral of today's story? Enjoy your children while they are young and you can still keep them contained in one spot.
Step outside and you will find that it is not too hot and not too cold, it is juuuust right. The weather is perfect to gather the gang (as well as some borrowed kids if you have room in your mini-van) and enjoy the delights of Autumn.
It seems that October is ooober yard sale month....folks have waited for this cooler weather to sit outside with their treasures for sale, and a kid with only change in his pocket can really wrack up with some interesting finds~ which are liable to keep him busy for ....hours. Now is the time to take a nature walk ~ fewer bugs means more fun~ there are acorns and colorful leaves to be collected for examination and fall collages. Fall Festivals and October Fest ( check your local news paper as well as Ms Cheap's list (@ www.tennessean.com) fill the air with music and aromas too luscious to ignore offering sausages, funnel cakes and hot cider to sample.
My absolute favorite fall destination is Keller's Corny Country~ Pumpkin Patch and Corn Maze ~in Dickson TN which provides family fun for all ages! From monster slide to niblet corn ride, through corn bin and playground, with the promise of finding the PERFECT pumpkin at the end of the hayride~ TN's finest agritourism provides hours of outdoor exercise and entertainment. I have seen many adults enjoy coffee around the bonfire while the children chased the pig~ just think about how long your children will nap after running around in the fresh air for hours J
So get lost in a corn maze with your kids on purpose and prepare for lots of laughs as well as a lifetime of great memories. Oh, and~ don't forget the camera!
http://www.kellerscornycountry.com/index.html
http://www.visittnfarms.com to find a pumpkin patch near you
The moral of today's story? Enjoy your children while they are young and you can still keep them contained in one spot.
Step outside and you will find that it is not too hot and not too cold, it is juuuust right. The weather is perfect to gather the gang (as well as some borrowed kids if you have room in your mini-van) and enjoy the delights of Autumn.
It seems that October is ooober yard sale month....folks have waited for this cooler weather to sit outside with their treasures for sale, and a kid with only change in his pocket can really wrack up with some interesting finds~ which are liable to keep him busy for ....hours. Now is the time to take a nature walk ~ fewer bugs means more fun~ there are acorns and colorful leaves to be collected for examination and fall collages. Fall Festivals and October Fest ( check your local news paper as well as Ms Cheap's list (@ www.tennessean.com) fill the air with music and aromas too luscious to ignore offering sausages, funnel cakes and hot cider to sample.
My absolute favorite fall destination is Keller's Corny Country~ Pumpkin Patch and Corn Maze ~in Dickson TN which provides family fun for all ages! From monster slide to niblet corn ride, through corn bin and playground, with the promise of finding the PERFECT pumpkin at the end of the hayride~ TN's finest agritourism provides hours of outdoor exercise and entertainment. I have seen many adults enjoy coffee around the bonfire while the children chased the pig~ just think about how long your children will nap after running around in the fresh air for hours J
So get lost in a corn maze with your kids on purpose and prepare for lots of laughs as well as a lifetime of great memories. Oh, and~ don't forget the camera!
http://www.kellerscornycountry.com/index.html
http://www.visittnfarms.com to find a pumpkin patch near you
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Where have all the Parents gone?
One of my daughters went to StarBucks for coffee with a friend last night , they we enjoying a conversation in the comfy chairs when a young couple came in with their 2 children. As the parents ordered their double-shot skinny Mocha Lattes the kids did what kids are naturally drawn to do...they went over to see the nice ladies. The 4 year old boy started with "watch me, watch me!" as he put his hands on two chairs swinging himself back and forth -shoving the chair my daughter was sitting in to get a better swinging field - while his sister leaned over the arm of the big chair putting herself between my daughter and her friend. All the while the parent's just smiled. At one point they cautioned the children not to bump and spill the ladies' coffee...but that was all the parenting that was done. This couple thought their little entertainers were in StarBucks to share their time and talents with the customers- the customers where not of the same mind.
It amazes me how oblivious parents can be to their impact on society....good and bad. Little Princess standing on the table belting out " The sun will come out to-mah-wow...." may be all fun and games at your family reunion...but not so much at the local eatery ( unless she is American Idol- show stopping worthy). And I am sorry, but I am NOT amused when your little man comes over to my table and asks if he can have a bite of my sandwich. You laugh, but you have seen it happen.
This is a wake up call to parents far and wide....look around you, look closely at the faces of the other patrons in the restaurant/ coffee house/ store and see if they are smiling or smirking. If their eyes are begging for rescue...coral your little munchkins and remember the personal space rules.
Just because you feel relief being out of the house and finding someone else to whom your son can yell "watch me, watch ME" doesn't give you the right to abdicate your parenting role and turn off your conscience connection to the rules of polite society. It does matter, it isn't cute and and I want my personal space back.
On the flip side of this tirade.... keep putting your little girl's hair in those little palm-tree pigtails....they really do make us smile and when your little guy tries to hold the door open for us it makes our day. I make it a point to compliment kids when they are at the grocery store ( or out in public) behaving nicely ( yes, I am one of THOSE women)...I think it is smart to reward good behavior and a mom should get an atta-boy when she has taught her kids not to go buck-wild. We, the other diners at the restaurant, understand if your little guy has to get up from the table because he just can't sit any longer...just keep him by your table...don't let him ruin the meal for people at other tables. And if your little girl plays peek-a-boo over the back of the booth, while it may be cute at first...know that the people in the other booth will grow tired of it quickly ...so put a stop to the game. And PLEASE, if you are in church, at a movie or listening to a speaker....if your child starts to make noise.....happy OR sad noise..., forgo the entertainment for the sake of the other people present and remove your child from the room.
I know you are tired and I KNOW parenting 24/7 is hard...but think about what you are teaching your children - if there are no boundaries, they can not learn self-control.
It is all about inhabiting the same space in peace.
Be the Parent: Be Aware!
It amazes me how oblivious parents can be to their impact on society....good and bad. Little Princess standing on the table belting out " The sun will come out to-mah-wow...." may be all fun and games at your family reunion...but not so much at the local eatery ( unless she is American Idol- show stopping worthy). And I am sorry, but I am NOT amused when your little man comes over to my table and asks if he can have a bite of my sandwich. You laugh, but you have seen it happen.
This is a wake up call to parents far and wide....look around you, look closely at the faces of the other patrons in the restaurant/ coffee house/ store and see if they are smiling or smirking. If their eyes are begging for rescue...coral your little munchkins and remember the personal space rules.
Just because you feel relief being out of the house and finding someone else to whom your son can yell "watch me, watch ME" doesn't give you the right to abdicate your parenting role and turn off your conscience connection to the rules of polite society. It does matter, it isn't cute and and I want my personal space back.
On the flip side of this tirade.... keep putting your little girl's hair in those little palm-tree pigtails....they really do make us smile and when your little guy tries to hold the door open for us it makes our day. I make it a point to compliment kids when they are at the grocery store ( or out in public) behaving nicely ( yes, I am one of THOSE women)...I think it is smart to reward good behavior and a mom should get an atta-boy when she has taught her kids not to go buck-wild. We, the other diners at the restaurant, understand if your little guy has to get up from the table because he just can't sit any longer...just keep him by your table...don't let him ruin the meal for people at other tables. And if your little girl plays peek-a-boo over the back of the booth, while it may be cute at first...know that the people in the other booth will grow tired of it quickly ...so put a stop to the game. And PLEASE, if you are in church, at a movie or listening to a speaker....if your child starts to make noise.....happy OR sad noise..., forgo the entertainment for the sake of the other people present and remove your child from the room.
I know you are tired and I KNOW parenting 24/7 is hard...but think about what you are teaching your children - if there are no boundaries, they can not learn self-control.
It is all about inhabiting the same space in peace.
Be the Parent: Be Aware!
Monday, June 28, 2010
New Look
It can be fun to make changes, I enjoyed making changes to this blog page. We like making changes to our hair, make-up and nails, we spruce up our homes with new paint and wall-paper, and may even trade the old car for a newer model.
Some kids find comfort in familiarity and balk at any changes. We know the kids who can NOT sleep without a certain blanket or stuffed animal and will insist that you say goodnight to ALL his dinosaurs on the shelf- in order- ....and will not let you get away with skipping just one ( no matter how tired and desperate you are to get into your own bed). Many kids become agitated and cranky when routines are changed and may resist sleeping in the Pack-N-Play at Grandma's house, no matter how much you WISH they would just lay down and go to sleep.
Whats a mother to do? Do all you can (within reason) to make your child feel safe and secure. Remember that it won't be like this forever, things will right themselves before he or she is ready to go off to college.
There are those kids who like to make changes too~~ little Susie wants to be a princess and insists on being called Cinderella ....she will answer to nothing else. But you may notice that that is as far as the change goes and Cinderella will ONLY where one dress....day and night. This has become her new comfort zone and coaxing her to wear shorts and T shirt to go out for dinner will do you no good.
So the question is : do you force her to wear something other than the princess dress and answer to her real name?
I am no child psychologist but past experience is an excellent teacher and my encouragement is to remember that this too shall pass. Preserve relationship and celebrate your child's unique personality...so what if some old biddy raises her eyebrow at you in a public place? If your child is happy and no harm is being done....perhaps there is a tiara you can wear to be a part of Cinderella's court!
We recently had a bowling party for one of my siblings. My sister-in-law showed up with my 6 year old niece who was wearing a blue flowered sundress over a red and white baseball shirt, along with black footless tights and black dress shoes. I was so excited to see that my sister-in-law had not let any embarrassment keep her from allowing her daughter to express her independence and individuality! I was congratulating her when she explained to me that going out in public was nothing...the hard part was learning that it had been picture day at school! ARGH! But the truth is that day came and went and there will be some interesting pictures to add to the baby book.
Your child will let you know if change is good~ listen~ your child is telling you something!
Some kids find comfort in familiarity and balk at any changes. We know the kids who can NOT sleep without a certain blanket or stuffed animal and will insist that you say goodnight to ALL his dinosaurs on the shelf- in order- ....and will not let you get away with skipping just one ( no matter how tired and desperate you are to get into your own bed). Many kids become agitated and cranky when routines are changed and may resist sleeping in the Pack-N-Play at Grandma's house, no matter how much you WISH they would just lay down and go to sleep.
Whats a mother to do? Do all you can (within reason) to make your child feel safe and secure. Remember that it won't be like this forever, things will right themselves before he or she is ready to go off to college.
There are those kids who like to make changes too~~ little Susie wants to be a princess and insists on being called Cinderella ....she will answer to nothing else. But you may notice that that is as far as the change goes and Cinderella will ONLY where one dress....day and night. This has become her new comfort zone and coaxing her to wear shorts and T shirt to go out for dinner will do you no good.
So the question is : do you force her to wear something other than the princess dress and answer to her real name?
I am no child psychologist but past experience is an excellent teacher and my encouragement is to remember that this too shall pass. Preserve relationship and celebrate your child's unique personality...so what if some old biddy raises her eyebrow at you in a public place? If your child is happy and no harm is being done....perhaps there is a tiara you can wear to be a part of Cinderella's court!
We recently had a bowling party for one of my siblings. My sister-in-law showed up with my 6 year old niece who was wearing a blue flowered sundress over a red and white baseball shirt, along with black footless tights and black dress shoes. I was so excited to see that my sister-in-law had not let any embarrassment keep her from allowing her daughter to express her independence and individuality! I was congratulating her when she explained to me that going out in public was nothing...the hard part was learning that it had been picture day at school! ARGH! But the truth is that day came and went and there will be some interesting pictures to add to the baby book.
Your child will let you know if change is good~ listen~ your child is telling you something!
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Follow the Leader
I was recently reminded about how animals, especially ducklings and chicks, follow the first thing they see move after they have hatched. It is called Imprinting.... much study has gone into the whys and wherefores of it all. All I know is that when one of my brothers was a teenager a girlfriend gave him a purple chick for Easter and that little fluffy thing followed him around like he was the chicks mother. Back and forth they went through the house.....my football playing brother with a purple chick at his heels. It really was quite funny!
You have probably noticed with your own children that they learn what they see modeled in front of them. We can work with them all day long to say please and thank-you. We remind and they practice...but they usually need prompting again and again to use it at the right time. But you let go of ONE good #@&% and your child will repeat it, with accuracy and perfect enunciation, under similar circumstances with witnesses. For example, if you get frustrated behind someone who is blocking your way in traffic and finally just shout out a #+@& in anger... sure enough, while your child is trying to get past someone in the isle at church, that little munchkin will let out a great big #+@& just like mom or dad- accurate the first time!
My point? We teach and train but kids follow what they witness and live. It is ridiculous to yell at our children and yet expect that they won't yell at their siblings or other kids--- or back at YOU! If we are couch potatoes, they will be couch potatoes; if we eat junk food, they will eat junk food; if we show kindness to other people, they will show kindness...and so on and so forth. You get the picture. As my dear old mom used to say, "you don't get pears from an apple tree". We produce what we are.
So, what's a mother to do? Decide what type of adult you want your child to grow up to be....and BE THAT. If you want honest children...don't lie ( like telling your husband to say you aren't at home to the person on the phone-- with your child standing right there!), if you want your child to like getting an education, show the love of reading and learning in your home, if you want your children to eat healthy foods...let them see you eating healthy foods and then serve the good stuff at family meals.
Be the role model your children need, be the person you want your children to be!
You have probably noticed with your own children that they learn what they see modeled in front of them. We can work with them all day long to say please and thank-you. We remind and they practice...but they usually need prompting again and again to use it at the right time. But you let go of ONE good #@&% and your child will repeat it, with accuracy and perfect enunciation, under similar circumstances with witnesses. For example, if you get frustrated behind someone who is blocking your way in traffic and finally just shout out a #+@& in anger... sure enough, while your child is trying to get past someone in the isle at church, that little munchkin will let out a great big #+@& just like mom or dad- accurate the first time!
My point? We teach and train but kids follow what they witness and live. It is ridiculous to yell at our children and yet expect that they won't yell at their siblings or other kids--- or back at YOU! If we are couch potatoes, they will be couch potatoes; if we eat junk food, they will eat junk food; if we show kindness to other people, they will show kindness...and so on and so forth. You get the picture. As my dear old mom used to say, "you don't get pears from an apple tree". We produce what we are.
So, what's a mother to do? Decide what type of adult you want your child to grow up to be....and BE THAT. If you want honest children...don't lie ( like telling your husband to say you aren't at home to the person on the phone-- with your child standing right there!), if you want your child to like getting an education, show the love of reading and learning in your home, if you want your children to eat healthy foods...let them see you eating healthy foods and then serve the good stuff at family meals.
Be the role model your children need, be the person you want your children to be!
Friday, July 3, 2009
Olly Olly oxen free!
The air is cool for a July night and what a good time to be outside with your children! "Too much to get done"- you say? Nights like this sing to the child in you -- can Susie come out and play? There are fireflies to catch and neighborhoods to walk. Can you hear the swings at the park calling to one another underneath the street lights- forlorn that they have been forgotten?
Shake things up a bit, surprise your children...do something the child in you would be delighted with. The return on your investment will be lots of smiles and laughter-- not only from your children but also from you!
So often we get in the rut of telling the kids to straighten up and act right, clean up and do their homework that we may not realize that we have not connected with them on any other level than authoritarian. Those things do in deed have to get done- but at the cost of all fun and humor?
As adults we don't like our only connections with people we care about to come by way of orders, our children don't like it much either. I AM all about being the mom, but not just the "director" mom, there is a happy mom in there just dieing to get out too!
How about building great memories tonight....sit on the front porch and eat ice cream, or walk the neighborhood and share favorite memories. Better yet, go to the park ( if it is safe) and play imaginary base ball and when you hit your home-run, run all the bases and make crowd cheering noises! You won't regret it!
Be the mom: have fun with your kids.
Shake things up a bit, surprise your children...do something the child in you would be delighted with. The return on your investment will be lots of smiles and laughter-- not only from your children but also from you!
So often we get in the rut of telling the kids to straighten up and act right, clean up and do their homework that we may not realize that we have not connected with them on any other level than authoritarian. Those things do in deed have to get done- but at the cost of all fun and humor?
As adults we don't like our only connections with people we care about to come by way of orders, our children don't like it much either. I AM all about being the mom, but not just the "director" mom, there is a happy mom in there just dieing to get out too!
How about building great memories tonight....sit on the front porch and eat ice cream, or walk the neighborhood and share favorite memories. Better yet, go to the park ( if it is safe) and play imaginary base ball and when you hit your home-run, run all the bases and make crowd cheering noises! You won't regret it!
Be the mom: have fun with your kids.
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