Missing Parents

   

All across the globe, parents are missing. It is a horrible phenomenon. Children are being left to their own devices-- literally; they are being taught how to live by Animated Animals , Cars and other Toys. From here to the grocery store they are distracted from arguments ( and problem solving)  or engaging in conversation by movies or video games and a stranger is reading them their bedtime stories via audio ebooks. And may I ask, what was so wrong with playing the License Plate game or the Alphabet Game while on a road trip?
     Why not embrace the techno age? What's the harm in electronic education and entertainment? Nothing when used properly as a tool. Everything when used as a surrogate parent.
    
      I know, I know, the dishes pile up and the kids get rowdy and all you want to do is check (out) your friend's status or  let your mind wander through all the cool/fabulous/impossible ideas ( that you will never attempt)  on Pinterest. You promise yourself you will only scroll through for a minute. You check your email, your Twitter, your Instagram, and you know you have to Google something. You  wind up on ITunes and wonder what to serve for dinner-- BECAUSE IT IS ALREADY DINNER TIME NOW! ARGH!
     Electronics are a time vacuum and a reality bender/suspender/deceiver.
     Time really does fly when your children are riding on its wings.  In a blink your babies aren't babies anymore.   They go from baby to bride or from colic to college in a minute.

     Your little munchkins are being robbed of Face Time--- not the Face Time on the cell phone or iPad-- but the real-- eyeball to eyeball contact that we used to know and love. Joy, pain, frustration...LOVE, all radiate through the eyes and the expressions of our face. We generate more information through our body language than we ever do through our words.

YOU! Yes, YOU! Put that device down and back away slowly~ turn and look at the little faces around you and say HELLO!

BE THE MOM: Engage with your children. When asked, you will say that there is nothing more important to you than your children. Prove it. Say NO to your electronic distractions and YES to playing with your children.
#parenting  #bethemom

The Girl They Sing About

"Be the girl they sing about" -- a great catch phrase on a billboard in Nashville. For a split second I thought "ahhhh, how sweet";  love songs flashed through my head...the I love you, gotta get close to you, gotta show you--- won't you be mine--- kind of songs. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine....And~ I will always love you......songs. Images of  wholesome girls with sweet smiles twirling in fields of flowers danced in my head. But those thoughts came to a screeching halt when I saw the dim product image on the left side of the billboard--- some kind of vitamin water and the word that was most notable --- ZERO. As in zero calories. I was crushed. I have no idea about the original intent behind the ad campaign but I can tell you, the quick message I took from it as I flew by was...... ZERO calories. Count the calories.  You can be the girl that men sing about IF you LOOK right; IF you are skinny enough.   You can be the girl in the love songs IF you do whatever it takes to take the weight off or keep yourself in a size zero jean. ZERO. You can be the girl wooed and pursued IF you count those calories and perform to media expectations.
It just crushed me for every young girl who would see that advertisement and hear the message that they are not desirable, not candidates for THOSE songs unless they are counting those calories.
Mom, make sure that you are doing what it takes to counter the information your daughter is bombarded with each day~ via electronic media, print media,sports and movie stars, visual advertisements ( which are also in schools) peer pressure etc. It seems that no matter where they turn, the message to our daughters is they  don't measure up to the perceived perfection of their generation as they are: changes must be made.
You really will have to go above and beyond the call of duty to shout louder than the media frenzy. You have to help them  know their value from the inside out. That counts for the girls who are size zero too. The Zero girls think they have arrived and that nothing more is required of them; they may feel as though they are better than those who don't look as good as they do. They can be Empty Beautiful Shells. I am not saying ALL skinny girls are shallow, I am saying that the girls who WORK at being size zero at all costs, are striving for the wrong goals.
We know that the heart of a woman and how she relates to the people around her are her most beautiful assets with no calorie counting required.
BE THE MOM: monitor your daughter's self esteem....make it a topic of conversation.Make SURE she knows that she is beautiful for who she is and that is what makes her the girl the world sings about.

Finding Success in Failure!

     We love our children like crazy...and we would do anything for them. We feed and clothe them, hug and love them and watch with pride as they grow. We run to catch them as they learn to walk, learn to ride a bicycle without training wheels or when they climb up on a chair. Heck, we would put them in bubble wrap if we could to protect them. Yup, we love them THAT much!
     But what happens when we are not there? Who will help them when they fall if they can't help themselves? So, that poses the question...how do you teach your children to fall, lose or even fail?
     "Uhhh", you say? "Why would I want to see any of those things happen to MY child?" Because, my dear, that is where the real learning takes place.
     Think about it. The best lesson you learned is when you lost that job because you were sneaking fries or when you called in sick and then were spotted at the concert. Your momma told you all day long to be honest, to tell the truth, however, sadly, it is the lesson learned the hard way that you most remember. Does it HAVE to be that way? No. But often times our imperfections...or our inflated self-image telling us that "no one will notice or care" get the better of us---- especially if we were raised in a "you can do anything you want" environment. It would be a parent's dream-come-true if ALL lessons were learned by simple instruction...rather than by life experiences.
     In order to be a good winner you have to be a good loser. Who is going to teach your child not to gloat or throw a fit.... to win AND lose graciously....if not for  you. We can not manipulate the circumstances of our children's lives to make everything fair and perfect....and then expect that as teenagers they understand the trials and tribulations of a less than perfect, and most certainly un-fair, world. It isn't fair when someone else gets the promotion that you think you deserve...and if all they know is being a sore loser and quitting when the going gets tough..... will they quickly quit the job?? What about later, will they quit college...their marriage?
     I have known parents who would have an all-out melt down if their child's play-date was cancelled. Oh no, WHAT were they going to do? After-all...they didn't want their precious child to be DISAPPOINTED! ARGH! So they would scramble to make it to ChuckECheese or a movie so that there would be no sad faces.
     Cry me a river! Teach your child that there will be times when things don't work out as planned and help them  make choices NOT to be disarmed by them!
     Am I advocating that we tell our children that life is tough....get a helmet? No! I am merely saying that as much as we teach them to say "please" and "thank-you", we should also include teaching them how to roll with the punches.
     Be the Parent and love them into being healthy individuals with good self-images by teaching them that there is a lot to learn in a mistake, in a lost job, in a missed opportunity and even in failure. Help them to be proud of themselves for not only making it through a difficult circumstance......but also for making better choices next time.

Shopping With The Kids.

     IS it unreasonable to expect to be able to grocery shop with 5 children?? THAT conjures up a chaotic picture doesn't it? Lets face it, we have seen our share of haggard moms trying to get through the grocery store with a few of the things on her list while her kids were running up and down the isles grabbing and throwing things, arguing with each other or whining "but I WANT that cereal..." while mom seems oblivious to it all.
     Does it have to be like that? No. But if you are expecting your children to automatically know how to behave in the grocery store or any situation... you are in for a rude awakening!! That would be the same as you being dropped off in a foreign country with the expectation that you will just KNOW their customs and how to navigate their city streets. Can you say FRUSTRATION?
     Whether you have 2 children, 5 children or more, you CAN take them to a store and accomplish your intended agenda....but it will take some work to get there.
     There are many things to consider when you load your brood up and head for the store....do NOT take your children if they are tired and hungry....you don't enjoy being dragged around when you are hungry and tired...do you? Pick a time when you will have your greatest success....you KNOW your kids.
     Next... make short trips. Go to the grocery store with low expectations about what you will purchase and high expectations about teaching and training your children. Make SURE they are aware of what you expect before you enter the doors: you expect them to use their inside voices, stay close by you, keep their hands to themselves and not to ask for anything that is not on the list-- and if they behave there will be a reward at the end. But be prepared to leave the grocery cart, suffer your embarrassment and leave the store if your children misbehave. They need to know you mean what you say.
     Do short trips a few times....praise good behavior and coach them about what they need to do better next time.
     NOW, for the all-out I-have-to-take-the-kids-with-me grocery trip. Again, make sure it is good timing -- the kids have been fed and are not ready for nap. Be sure you have a list with you, otherwise you can get lost in the process of trying to remember what you need and forget to keep an eye on your kids. Here comes the fun part....involve your kids in the process. It is BORING to walk up and down grocery isles for an hour or so.. I would get cranky if I had nothing to DO. Age appropriately....let one child hold the coupons, ask others to locate products you name ( cereal, vegetables...etc), smaller children can be asked to point out products that are a certain color or have an animal on them ( whatever game you create to keep them happy). Well, you get the picture. Older children can be given a part of the list and a cart to do part of the shopping on their own. Reward good behavior with a treat at the end.....and meet bad behavior with a consequence ( once they have been taught and trained and KNOW what is expected of them of course).
    It seems like a lot of work doesn't it?  And the easier thing to do would be to leave your children at home with an adult or babysitter....but would they be prepared in case you HAD to take them?
     The more time you take to teach and train your children, the greater the success for you all and the more positive times you will have with them as you journey out into this busy world!
BE THE MOM: Teach and train for success!

Who Are You Calling Strong Willed?

      What do you call a strong willed child? Well, some people call them difficult, willful,spirited and disruptive. We just call them ..OURS!
     Recently, I spoke to a group of moms about Discipline and The Strong Willed Child. Whew, what a topic. But I guess it takes one to know one...."strong will"  runs in my family. The trick is using the character traits of a strong willed child for good and not evil!
     Is a strong willed child birthed or created? The common consensus is - BOTH! The way a child is wired, the way he learns and sees the world shapes how he will respond to what is going on around him. Strong willed children are smart and often believe that justice should reign...even in an unjust world. They work hard to get the pieces to fit but are not usually tactful about any perceived injustice they experience. Thus the label "difficult". We, however, can cause a child to become strong willed if we are controlling and demanding; some children don't take kindly to being yelled at!
     The strong willed child may look at you and say, " You can't MAKE me!", but he CAN be persuaded. Lets look at it this way: a compliant child may respond positively to a simple request to take cookies to her grandma while the exact same request may make a strong willed child balk. But if you say to your swc," would you please take these cookies to grandma because she fell and would really appreicate them"...THEN he will do what you have asked him to do....most of the time :-).
     Intense, persistent, sensitive, ridgid and energetic may describe strong willed people, but also describes good leaders and those who are willing to fight for their rights and the rights of others. If you can help the swc understand that he doesn't have to be controlling and domineering, he can become a good leader.
     I would like to tell you that the formula for disciplining a strong willed child is 2 time outs and 3 early to beds...and viola, he becomes compliant. Wouldn't THAT be lovely! After you stop laughing, remember that how you approach your child may determine how effective your discipline is. If you are strong willed --know when to back down and back off because a stand-off means no one gets what he wants and yelling means you have lost control-- of yourself. You can not teach self-control without demonstrating it. Pick your battles, be firm but fair, stay focused ( do NOT let the swc get you off track!) and give choices. Strong willed children are from the school of hard knocks, they would rather experience than listen. The best form of training is cause and effect: "if you want to ride your bike, you MUST wear your helmet-- no helmet, no bike"; "if you push to get up front, you will be moved to the back of the line",etc. The best forms of discipline * remove the child from the disruption ( if he is causing an argument, send him to time out)  but if he is throwing a fit, *remove yourself from his presence; * find the currency  that motivates your child and use it as leverage ( "you won't clean up your room? No beloved X-box until you do"); and finally, *make it clear! Anything you want him to do or not to do has to be clear and if you say there will be a consequence, you better make it happen. He HAS to believe you or all is lost. There is a lot of love in a NO!
    Raising a strong willed child takes work, but that work in the early years provides great dividends as he grows up. My oldest swc hiked the Appalachian Trail ( I think because someone told him it couldn't be done) and is proud of his accomplishment. Three of my other children are working their way through college...determined to get it done-- no matter what! They have had great adventures - including out of country mission trips and are good leaders We sometimes have too many cooks in the kitchen, so to speak, but we really enjoy being together and know that we have each others back!