The Produce of Parenthood

     Walking into the family room, with an exasperated sigh, you stare at the array of toys that have been flung about and wonder if you will ever see your children actually pick up anything and put it away-- without being MADE to. You hear them in the next room yelling at the top of their lungs knowing they are creating more chaos and the thought that they would ever operate in peace is as far flung from your reality as the toys scattered before you.  It just doesn’t look good for the home team, and as the coach,you feel like a failure.

     With all the teaching and training that you do, all the time-outs and the extra choirs that you assign—you would think that you would see the good behavior and character that you were hoping for. That seems to be a fair expectation….after all, you are doing the right things and you expect right results. Right?

      And yet, somehow your experience and reality don’t line up with your expectations.

     Take heart! Just as it takes time for fruit trees to grow and mature before the fruit is produced, such is the way in raising children. We would like to think that we could guide and instruct and then presto-change-o, we would see perfect behavior manifest in our perfect, angelic children. Not so fast. There is a G-R-O-O-O-WING season that requires time to accomplish its good work.

     If you keep doing the next right thing, if you keep pouring into their little lives in a healthy and productive way, you WILL see responsibility demonstrated freely, you will hear love shared and you will experience unity as a family.  The changes will appear little by little and then more and more. As your children grow into young adults you will GO to a movie WITH your child…not just take him to a movie. You will talk WITH your maturing child not just at him. You will enjoy seeing your children morph into young adults….and your heart will be delighted.

     “I have to wait until they are ADULS to realize the fruits of my labor?” you shout.      Although you will witness seasons of growth in adolescence and that progress will be exciting....the basic answer to that question is -yes. You do the work and the nurturing as you lead them through their childhood---aka the growing years—and then you begin to remove yourself from the parenting role and enjoy the results of your years of dedication and diligence.

     My oldest son called me this weekend and offered to drive the hour out to my house to work on my “to do” list. Like I would say NO?!? He came out and fixed my fence, trimmed trees and covered up the pool—all things I can’t do myself. One of the best parts of that gift was that it came unsolicited!! It makes me happy when I get to go out with my adult daughters  and/or sons to dinner or a movie…and I truly enjoy their company as well as watching them in relationships with one another.

     Don’t give up or grow weary in your well doing. Being the parent can seem like such a thankless job as you work 24/7 —without seeing the fabulous end results. But please know there is a lot of internal work taking place while you are waiting for a peek at the yield. BE THE PARENT: Do the work and reap the bountiful harvest! 

The Girl They Sing About

"Be the girl they sing about" -- a great catch phrase on a billboard in Nashville. For a split second I thought "ahhhh, how sweet";  love songs flashed through my head...the I love you, gotta get close to you, gotta show you--- won't you be mine--- kind of songs. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine....And~ I will always love you......songs. Images of  wholesome girls with sweet smiles twirling in fields of flowers danced in my head. But those thoughts came to a screeching halt when I saw the dim product image on the left side of the billboard--- some kind of vitamin water and the word that was most notable --- ZERO. As in zero calories. I was crushed. I have no idea about the original intent behind the ad campaign but I can tell you, the quick message I took from it as I flew by was...... ZERO calories. Count the calories.  You can be the girl that men sing about IF you LOOK right; IF you are skinny enough.   You can be the girl in the love songs IF you do whatever it takes to take the weight off or keep yourself in a size zero jean. ZERO. You can be the girl wooed and pursued IF you count those calories and perform to media expectations.
It just crushed me for every young girl who would see that advertisement and hear the message that they are not desirable, not candidates for THOSE songs unless they are counting those calories.
Mom, make sure that you are doing what it takes to counter the information your daughter is bombarded with each day~ via electronic media, print media,sports and movie stars, visual advertisements ( which are also in schools) peer pressure etc. It seems that no matter where they turn, the message to our daughters is they  don't measure up to the perceived perfection of their generation as they are: changes must be made.
You really will have to go above and beyond the call of duty to shout louder than the media frenzy. You have to help them  know their value from the inside out. That counts for the girls who are size zero too. The Zero girls think they have arrived and that nothing more is required of them; they may feel as though they are better than those who don't look as good as they do. They can be Empty Beautiful Shells. I am not saying ALL skinny girls are shallow, I am saying that the girls who WORK at being size zero at all costs, are striving for the wrong goals.
We know that the heart of a woman and how she relates to the people around her are her most beautiful assets with no calorie counting required.
BE THE MOM: monitor your daughter's self esteem....make it a topic of conversation.Make SURE she knows that she is beautiful for who she is and that is what makes her the girl the world sings about.