Cleanup On Isle Three

         You fight the burning desire to look up to see who is watching your five-year-old have a melt down on isle 3-- knowing the judgment that will be evident on their faces. "You come over here lady and deal with this squealing monkey if you think you can do a better job"...is what you would like to say--- if you had enough nerve. But it would seem that Jr. just stepped on the last one you had. 

      Don't overcompensate to prove to the nosy grandma lingering over the shredded-wheat as if she really was experiencing a dilemma over which fiber  to buy --that you've got this. This isn't about you. It IS about your child. What you do next either works toward changing a behavior or reinforcing it. Pressure builds. What's a mother to do? Breathe. It really is the only thing you can do. Just take a moment and breathe. It is not the end of the world but it is part of the job and a hurdle to be sure. 

     Is all this REALLY about the Choc-O cereal or is it about the time of day? Have you asked too much of your child-- is he hungry? ready for a nap? Have you tried to squeeze a quick-run-into-the-store into an already difficult day? If so, count your loses and make your exit plan.  Deny the desire to just-give-him-the-cereal-so-he-will-shut-up-already. Resist the urge to yell or smack your child.  Tell Jr. that throwing himself on the floor is not acceptable-- in whatever phrases he understands--insist he stands up, take his hand and with as much dignity as you can muster-- walk out of the store.  A store employee will have been watching the kiddie-show and will get the groceries restocked. At this moment, the most important players are your child and you. There is no need to fuss at him about his bad behavior; just put him in his booster seat and drive home. Whatever you thought you had to have will have to be gotten later. 

      When the timing is bad, you can't expect your child to give you the behavior you desire if he doesn't have it in him.

     HOWEVER, if this is not a timing issue, but rather a behavior issue, use it as a teachable moment. With eye-to-eye contact ( and no regard to lingering granny) quietly explain  what is expected. When you get quiet your child has to get quiet to hear what you have to say-- just in case it is "YES you can have what you want". Tell Jr. he can either walk calmly with you or ride in the cart and that throwing a fit will not get him what he is crying for. Stand perfectly still until he contains himself. Yes, even if it takes a few minutes. You are investing in his future behavior here.  When he gets quiet, continue on with your shopping. Now, engage him in some positive conversation. Help him redeem himself and regain some self-control ( both of you). Ask him to point out where the milk is. When there are options--- raisins or applesauce-- let him make the choice. Praise his good behavior and helpfulness. What 5 year old WANTS to be dragged through the boring task of grocery shopping? If it is a big shopping trip, offer a reward for good behavior to be awarded when you are done.. Kind of like a paycheck at the end of the job. Remind him along the way that he is earning his reward by good behavior.

     Timing is everything. BE THE MOM: don't ask the impossible at an improbable time. Teach and train: set your child up for success and enjoy your time with him!
    

Shopping With The Kids.

     IS it unreasonable to expect to be able to grocery shop with 5 children?? THAT conjures up a chaotic picture doesn't it? Lets face it, we have seen our share of haggard moms trying to get through the grocery store with a few of the things on her list while her kids were running up and down the isles grabbing and throwing things, arguing with each other or whining "but I WANT that cereal..." while mom seems oblivious to it all.
     Does it have to be like that? No. But if you are expecting your children to automatically know how to behave in the grocery store or any situation... you are in for a rude awakening!! That would be the same as you being dropped off in a foreign country with the expectation that you will just KNOW their customs and how to navigate their city streets. Can you say FRUSTRATION?
     Whether you have 2 children, 5 children or more, you CAN take them to a store and accomplish your intended agenda....but it will take some work to get there.
     There are many things to consider when you load your brood up and head for the store....do NOT take your children if they are tired and hungry....you don't enjoy being dragged around when you are hungry and tired...do you? Pick a time when you will have your greatest success....you KNOW your kids.
     Next... make short trips. Go to the grocery store with low expectations about what you will purchase and high expectations about teaching and training your children. Make SURE they are aware of what you expect before you enter the doors: you expect them to use their inside voices, stay close by you, keep their hands to themselves and not to ask for anything that is not on the list-- and if they behave there will be a reward at the end. But be prepared to leave the grocery cart, suffer your embarrassment and leave the store if your children misbehave. They need to know you mean what you say.
     Do short trips a few times....praise good behavior and coach them about what they need to do better next time.
     NOW, for the all-out I-have-to-take-the-kids-with-me grocery trip. Again, make sure it is good timing -- the kids have been fed and are not ready for nap. Be sure you have a list with you, otherwise you can get lost in the process of trying to remember what you need and forget to keep an eye on your kids. Here comes the fun part....involve your kids in the process. It is BORING to walk up and down grocery isles for an hour or so.. I would get cranky if I had nothing to DO. Age appropriately....let one child hold the coupons, ask others to locate products you name ( cereal, vegetables...etc), smaller children can be asked to point out products that are a certain color or have an animal on them ( whatever game you create to keep them happy). Well, you get the picture. Older children can be given a part of the list and a cart to do part of the shopping on their own. Reward good behavior with a treat at the end.....and meet bad behavior with a consequence ( once they have been taught and trained and KNOW what is expected of them of course).
    It seems like a lot of work doesn't it?  And the easier thing to do would be to leave your children at home with an adult or babysitter....but would they be prepared in case you HAD to take them?
     The more time you take to teach and train your children, the greater the success for you all and the more positive times you will have with them as you journey out into this busy world!
BE THE MOM: Teach and train for success!

Tis The Season To Be Frazzled, Fa La La La La La, lalalala

     In what universe did we have FREE time that we can now fill with Christmas shopping? I have always had a deep respect for full-time moms, but I have a new found respect for women who work full time, go home to take care of children and household AND pull off a magical Christmas! Lets face it, at the end of any one's day.....there is little or no energy to trudge through the crowded stores to score the perfect gift~ or crank up the ovens to create Christmas confections! So, what is a woman to do??
     For most it is too late to do a little shopping here and a little shopping there to be done by the 1st of December- then having Dec to just enjoy the Holiday activities- wouldn't THAT be Joyful! But it is not too late to let your fingers do the walking through the web pages! I have found that many companies are still offering free shipping and when you stack that with on-line coupons...there are some deals to be had. Shopping from the couch in your jammies will make the savings and/or convenience even sweeter. If you are apprehensive about ordering online, stick with the larger companies you recognize and places like Amazon or Overstock.com.
     Hitting the malls? To keep your sanity, I would also suggest NOT TAKING YOUR CHILDREN out shopping with you. Make a plan... organize a day when grandparents keep the kids so you and hubs can fight through the crowds and knock that list out together~ which should include a nice dinner I might add. Single mom? Make arrangements with gal-pals to swap child care and go out shopping with another friend ( having someone to talk through purchases with can make your time more productive and lessen impulse buying).
     If you are like me, you may not have large sums of money at one time and have to shop week to week. Follow the same game plan~on line shopping and/or have someone watch the kids while you shop with a friend and a LIST!
     Short on cash ( still looking for the universe where there is extra money too!)? The year before last my family declared that all gifts had to come from GoodWill, McKays ( used book store) or any other second-hand store. It was one of the best Christmases we have EVER had! Siblings found classic Disney CDs in a gift set for a sister who loves the music from old Disney movies. We found great books on CDs for Uncles who are on the road a lot, great classic DVD Movies, some beautiful ceramic kitchen serving dishes that matched an Aunt's kitchen perfectly, and fabulous linen napkins for a family member who is going "green". Where there is a will to hunt there is a way to shop and still give gifts during this season of celebrating the Birthday of Jesus!
     And do not forget the joy home baked goods bring to harried people who do not have time to bake for themselves ( I have a sister-in-law that bakes fudge pies for the men in the family every year and woe-be-it-unto-her if she should try to show up at the family Christmas gathering without them!)....there are some cute plates or containers at the dollar store that can make the gift even more festive.
     Ms Cheap had a great article in the Sunday Tennessean rekindling the practice of giving coupons as gifts to one another. Wouldn’t YOU be thrilled to get a coupon for free babysitting, a day of cleaning your house or yard, or a dinner delivered to your door? The people on your list feel the same...the promise of a special night out with just mom and/or dad is a THRILL for children beyond compare!
     Keep it simple and remember it is not about finding the PERFECT gift ( if one does exist) it IS about the people. Your kids really do want fun time with you making Gingerbread houses more than the gift that will be broken or forgotten before next Christmas rolls around. I have NEVER heard anyone complain when given a gift of any kind because it really is the thought that counts. Being remembered and blessed by family and friends recharges our Joy and declares the Love we have for one another.
    All of this is to say, the only way to enjoy the Christmas season with your children is to get your frustrations with the WORK that goes along with the holidays under control by making a plan and executing it.
     Merry Christmas! Be the Mom~ Shop without them and then sing with your kids and enjoy the sights, sounds and tastes of Christmas together. Share the Joy!

Fall Fun

The house is quiet; all my children have gone their respective ways~ one is living on a college campus, one in his apartment, one is at work, one is house sitting and one has flown away to Hawaii for a special Autumn vacation. There were times when the kids were little that I would have given away a kidney to barter some quiet time. Note to self: it isn't all it is cracked up to be. You laugh because, with young children nipping at your heels, you can't seem to imagine what "quiet" would be like.
The moral of today's story? Enjoy your children while they are young and you can still keep them contained in one spot.
Step outside and you will find that it is not too hot and not too cold, it is juuuust right. The weather is perfect to gather the gang (as well as some borrowed kids if you have room in your mini-van) and enjoy the delights of Autumn.
It seems that October is ooober yard sale month....folks have waited for this cooler weather to sit outside with their treasures for sale, and a kid with only change in his pocket can really wrack up with some interesting finds~ which are liable to keep him busy for ....hours. Now is the time to take a nature walk ~ fewer bugs means more fun~ there are acorns and colorful leaves to be collected for examination and fall collages. Fall Festivals and October Fest ( check your local news paper as well as Ms Cheap's list (@ www.tennessean.com)  fill the air with music and aromas too luscious to ignore offering sausages, funnel cakes and hot cider to sample.
My absolute favorite fall destination is Keller's Corny Country~ Pumpkin Patch and Corn Maze ~in Dickson TN which provides family fun for all ages! From monster slide to niblet corn ride, through corn bin and playground, with the promise of finding the PERFECT pumpkin at the end of the hayride~ TN's finest agritourism  provides hours of outdoor exercise and entertainment. I have seen many adults enjoy coffee around the bonfire while the children chased the pig~ just think about how long your children will nap after running around in the fresh air for hours J
So get lost in a corn maze with your kids on purpose and prepare for lots of laughs as well as a lifetime of great memories. Oh, and~ don't forget the camera!

http://www.kellerscornycountry.com/index.html

http://www.visittnfarms.com to find a pumpkin patch near you