One of the best lines in The Santa Clause movie is , "Seeing isn't believing, Believing is seeing" -- isn't that true in many aspects of our lives? If we believe something -that is how we tend to see it. Take our children for instance; if we believe our children to be perfect little angels, that is all we tend to see ( often times to the chagrin of others). Conversely, if we see our child as a "devil child" ( I have heard more than one person say that of their child), THAT is all we see.
The trouble with either or both of those scenarios is that we tend to feed what we believe. Little "angel" can walk from table to table at a restaurant -- disturbing others' dinner-- and angel's parents just think it is sooooo cute. Thus feeding the precociousness of said child rather than teaching and training about manners and boundaries. Likewise, parents who only see the bad in their child, will miss great opportunities to praise him or her and reinforce good behavior because they are too busy yelling and smacking at the little "devil"
You can guarantee that if the nursery worker at your church sees your little angel hording all the toys and taking what she wants from others...they aren't going to laugh it off as him or her being a little "organizer". . And if you keep stomping on your monster child, he or she will do all they can do to live up to that reputation and all the effort of his or her school teacher to "do" anything with that child will be short lived because the teacher will believe what he or she sees too. Seeing will indeed be believing for those working with your children
Maybe it is time for a vision exam. You really have to be ready for this reality checkup-- ready to hear the truth and ready to act on it. Ask someone near and dear to you-- someone you can trust to tell the truth without sugar coating or being brutal-- to tell you what they see when they are with your kids. Especially if you think you are SURE you know the answer!! This kind of hard truth can be life altering....for you and your child. But how much better to make parenting adjustments now to see more clearly what your child's behavior is telling you-- rather than dealing with major issues and regrets later!
Great adults start-out as kids with imperfect parents willing to do what it takes...believing that their children will grow into kind & caring, productive, happy adults while seeing them for what they are- kids who need the help of parents to get there!
Be the parent! Do the hard stuff like looking at your children with clear vision and loving them enough to do the work it takes to teach them and train them to be the adults that you want them to be!
Showing posts with label Parenting: teach and train. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting: teach and train. Show all posts
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Finding Success in Failure!
We love our children like crazy...and we would do anything for them. We feed and clothe them, hug and love them and watch with pride as they grow. We run to catch them as they learn to walk, learn to ride a bicycle without training wheels or when they climb up on a chair. Heck, we would put them in bubble wrap if we could to protect them. Yup, we love them THAT much!
But what happens when we are not there? Who will help them when they fall if they can't help themselves? So, that poses the question...how do you teach your children to fall, lose or even fail?
"Uhhh", you say? "Why would I want to see any of those things happen to MY child?" Because, my dear, that is where the real learning takes place.
Think about it. The best lesson you learned is when you lost that job because you were sneaking fries or when you called in sick and then were spotted at the concert. Your momma told you all day long to be honest, to tell the truth, however, sadly, it is the lesson learned the hard way that you most remember. Does it HAVE to be that way? No. But often times our imperfections...or our inflated self-image telling us that "no one will notice or care" get the better of us---- especially if we were raised in a "you can do anything you want" environment. It would be a parent's dream-come-true if ALL lessons were learned by simple instruction...rather than by life experiences.
In order to be a good winner you have to be a good loser. Who is going to teach your child not to gloat or throw a fit.... to win AND lose graciously....if not for you. We can not manipulate the circumstances of our children's lives to make everything fair and perfect....and then expect that as teenagers they understand the trials and tribulations of a less than perfect, and most certainly un-fair, world. It isn't fair when someone else gets the promotion that you think you deserve...and if all they know is being a sore loser and quitting when the going gets tough..... will they quickly quit the job?? What about later, will they quit college...their marriage?
I have known parents who would have an all-out melt down if their child's play-date was cancelled. Oh no, WHAT were they going to do? After-all...they didn't want their precious child to be DISAPPOINTED! ARGH! So they would scramble to make it to ChuckECheese or a movie so that there would be no sad faces.
Cry me a river! Teach your child that there will be times when things don't work out as planned and help them make choices NOT to be disarmed by them!
Am I advocating that we tell our children that life is tough....get a helmet? No! I am merely saying that as much as we teach them to say "please" and "thank-you", we should also include teaching them how to roll with the punches.
Be the Parent and love them into being healthy individuals with good self-images by teaching them that there is a lot to learn in a mistake, in a lost job, in a missed opportunity and even in failure. Help them to be proud of themselves for not only making it through a difficult circumstance......but also for making better choices next time.
But what happens when we are not there? Who will help them when they fall if they can't help themselves? So, that poses the question...how do you teach your children to fall, lose or even fail?
"Uhhh", you say? "Why would I want to see any of those things happen to MY child?" Because, my dear, that is where the real learning takes place.
Think about it. The best lesson you learned is when you lost that job because you were sneaking fries or when you called in sick and then were spotted at the concert. Your momma told you all day long to be honest, to tell the truth, however, sadly, it is the lesson learned the hard way that you most remember. Does it HAVE to be that way? No. But often times our imperfections...or our inflated self-image telling us that "no one will notice or care" get the better of us---- especially if we were raised in a "you can do anything you want" environment. It would be a parent's dream-come-true if ALL lessons were learned by simple instruction...rather than by life experiences.
In order to be a good winner you have to be a good loser. Who is going to teach your child not to gloat or throw a fit.... to win AND lose graciously....if not for you. We can not manipulate the circumstances of our children's lives to make everything fair and perfect....and then expect that as teenagers they understand the trials and tribulations of a less than perfect, and most certainly un-fair, world. It isn't fair when someone else gets the promotion that you think you deserve...and if all they know is being a sore loser and quitting when the going gets tough..... will they quickly quit the job?? What about later, will they quit college...their marriage?
I have known parents who would have an all-out melt down if their child's play-date was cancelled. Oh no, WHAT were they going to do? After-all...they didn't want their precious child to be DISAPPOINTED! ARGH! So they would scramble to make it to ChuckECheese or a movie so that there would be no sad faces.
Cry me a river! Teach your child that there will be times when things don't work out as planned and help them make choices NOT to be disarmed by them!
Am I advocating that we tell our children that life is tough....get a helmet? No! I am merely saying that as much as we teach them to say "please" and "thank-you", we should also include teaching them how to roll with the punches.
Be the Parent and love them into being healthy individuals with good self-images by teaching them that there is a lot to learn in a mistake, in a lost job, in a missed opportunity and even in failure. Help them to be proud of themselves for not only making it through a difficult circumstance......but also for making better choices next time.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Shopping With The Kids.
IS it unreasonable to expect to be able to grocery shop with 5 children?? THAT conjures up a chaotic picture doesn't it? Lets face it, we have seen our share of haggard moms trying to get through the grocery store with a few of the things on her list while her kids were running up and down the isles grabbing and throwing things, arguing with each other or whining "but I WANT that cereal..." while mom seems oblivious to it all.
Does it have to be like that? No. But if you are expecting your children to automatically know how to behave in the grocery store or any situation... you are in for a rude awakening!! That would be the same as you being dropped off in a foreign country with the expectation that you will just KNOW their customs and how to navigate their city streets. Can you say FRUSTRATION?
Whether you have 2 children, 5 children or more, you CAN take them to a store and accomplish your intended agenda....but it will take some work to get there.
There are many things to consider when you load your brood up and head for the store....do NOT take your children if they are tired and hungry....you don't enjoy being dragged around when you are hungry and tired...do you? Pick a time when you will have your greatest success....you KNOW your kids.
Next... make short trips. Go to the grocery store with low expectations about what you will purchase and high expectations about teaching and training your children. Make SURE they are aware of what you expect before you enter the doors: you expect them to use their inside voices, stay close by you, keep their hands to themselves and not to ask for anything that is not on the list-- and if they behave there will be a reward at the end. But be prepared to leave the grocery cart, suffer your embarrassment and leave the store if your children misbehave. They need to know you mean what you say.
Do short trips a few times....praise good behavior and coach them about what they need to do better next time.
NOW, for the all-out I-have-to-take-the-kids-with-me grocery trip. Again, make sure it is good timing -- the kids have been fed and are not ready for nap. Be sure you have a list with you, otherwise you can get lost in the process of trying to remember what you need and forget to keep an eye on your kids. Here comes the fun part....involve your kids in the process. It is BORING to walk up and down grocery isles for an hour or so.. I would get cranky if I had nothing to DO. Age appropriately....let one child hold the coupons, ask others to locate products you name ( cereal, vegetables...etc), smaller children can be asked to point out products that are a certain color or have an animal on them ( whatever game you create to keep them happy). Well, you get the picture. Older children can be given a part of the list and a cart to do part of the shopping on their own. Reward good behavior with a treat at the end.....and meet bad behavior with a consequence ( once they have been taught and trained and KNOW what is expected of them of course).
It seems like a lot of work doesn't it? And the easier thing to do would be to leave your children at home with an adult or babysitter....but would they be prepared in case you HAD to take them?
The more time you take to teach and train your children, the greater the success for you all and the more positive times you will have with them as you journey out into this busy world!
BE THE MOM: Teach and train for success!
Does it have to be like that? No. But if you are expecting your children to automatically know how to behave in the grocery store or any situation... you are in for a rude awakening!! That would be the same as you being dropped off in a foreign country with the expectation that you will just KNOW their customs and how to navigate their city streets. Can you say FRUSTRATION?
Whether you have 2 children, 5 children or more, you CAN take them to a store and accomplish your intended agenda....but it will take some work to get there.
There are many things to consider when you load your brood up and head for the store....do NOT take your children if they are tired and hungry....you don't enjoy being dragged around when you are hungry and tired...do you? Pick a time when you will have your greatest success....you KNOW your kids.
Next... make short trips. Go to the grocery store with low expectations about what you will purchase and high expectations about teaching and training your children. Make SURE they are aware of what you expect before you enter the doors: you expect them to use their inside voices, stay close by you, keep their hands to themselves and not to ask for anything that is not on the list-- and if they behave there will be a reward at the end. But be prepared to leave the grocery cart, suffer your embarrassment and leave the store if your children misbehave. They need to know you mean what you say.
Do short trips a few times....praise good behavior and coach them about what they need to do better next time.
NOW, for the all-out I-have-to-take-the-kids-with-me grocery trip. Again, make sure it is good timing -- the kids have been fed and are not ready for nap. Be sure you have a list with you, otherwise you can get lost in the process of trying to remember what you need and forget to keep an eye on your kids. Here comes the fun part....involve your kids in the process. It is BORING to walk up and down grocery isles for an hour or so.. I would get cranky if I had nothing to DO. Age appropriately....let one child hold the coupons, ask others to locate products you name ( cereal, vegetables...etc), smaller children can be asked to point out products that are a certain color or have an animal on them ( whatever game you create to keep them happy). Well, you get the picture. Older children can be given a part of the list and a cart to do part of the shopping on their own. Reward good behavior with a treat at the end.....and meet bad behavior with a consequence ( once they have been taught and trained and KNOW what is expected of them of course).
It seems like a lot of work doesn't it? And the easier thing to do would be to leave your children at home with an adult or babysitter....but would they be prepared in case you HAD to take them?
The more time you take to teach and train your children, the greater the success for you all and the more positive times you will have with them as you journey out into this busy world!
BE THE MOM: Teach and train for success!
Friday, April 17, 2009
Teach and Train.
Aren’t you glad that you are not given a job to do (without any training) expected to do it right from the start? It makes me think of the old I LOVE LUCY show when she and Ethel are on the candy making conveyer line. They didn’t get much practice before they were expected to do the job of covering candy in chocolate quickly and efficiently. They wound up with candy everywhere!
When I am at work and I am being trained to do a new task usually someone is working with me to show me how to do it and answer any questions. At some point I branch out and try it on my own but have someone there to remind me how to use the new program or create a new invoice. I sure am glad that I am not just expected to KNOW it or get fired!
Very often we tell a child to do (or NOT to do) something and then discipline if they don’t respond correctly. I would encourage you to teach and train your children BEFORE going for the discipline. Discipline AFTER your child has mastered something you have taught him but chooses to disobey. Take standing on the coffee table as an example; first, make sure you are setting a good example, don’t stand on the coffee table (lol) . Second, teach your 18 month old not to stand on the coffee table by removing him and telling him “we do not stand on the coffee table” while setting his feet on the floor—repeatedly. Yes, over and over and over again. It is not a FUN thing to do but sometimes teaching is required but not enjoyable. When you see him look at the table and choose NOT to climb on it, tell him how great it is that he is NOT climbing on the table. At this point you know he is beginning to understand that he should not climb on the table. AFTER this point if he chooses to climb on the coffee table you can reinforce what you have taught with age appropriate discipline, perhaps by scolding when you remove him- giving the instruction “we do not stand on the table” a little more sternly and setting him on a stool or small chair for a few seconds. You may have to work at teaching and training for a little while each day for a few days but he will get the idea. The point is not to expect your young child (at most any age) to hear an instruction ONE time and immediately know how to act accordingly.
Be the PARENT and get the results! Stick with it! Teach and train before you discipline.
When I am at work and I am being trained to do a new task usually someone is working with me to show me how to do it and answer any questions. At some point I branch out and try it on my own but have someone there to remind me how to use the new program or create a new invoice. I sure am glad that I am not just expected to KNOW it or get fired!
Very often we tell a child to do (or NOT to do) something and then discipline if they don’t respond correctly. I would encourage you to teach and train your children BEFORE going for the discipline. Discipline AFTER your child has mastered something you have taught him but chooses to disobey. Take standing on the coffee table as an example; first, make sure you are setting a good example, don’t stand on the coffee table (lol) . Second, teach your 18 month old not to stand on the coffee table by removing him and telling him “we do not stand on the coffee table” while setting his feet on the floor—repeatedly. Yes, over and over and over again. It is not a FUN thing to do but sometimes teaching is required but not enjoyable. When you see him look at the table and choose NOT to climb on it, tell him how great it is that he is NOT climbing on the table. At this point you know he is beginning to understand that he should not climb on the table. AFTER this point if he chooses to climb on the coffee table you can reinforce what you have taught with age appropriate discipline, perhaps by scolding when you remove him- giving the instruction “we do not stand on the table” a little more sternly and setting him on a stool or small chair for a few seconds. You may have to work at teaching and training for a little while each day for a few days but he will get the idea. The point is not to expect your young child (at most any age) to hear an instruction ONE time and immediately know how to act accordingly.
Be the PARENT and get the results! Stick with it! Teach and train before you discipline.
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