Finding Success in Failure!

     We love our children like crazy...and we would do anything for them. We feed and clothe them, hug and love them and watch with pride as they grow. We run to catch them as they learn to walk, learn to ride a bicycle without training wheels or when they climb up on a chair. Heck, we would put them in bubble wrap if we could to protect them. Yup, we love them THAT much!
     But what happens when we are not there? Who will help them when they fall if they can't help themselves? So, that poses the question...how do you teach your children to fall, lose or even fail?
     "Uhhh", you say? "Why would I want to see any of those things happen to MY child?" Because, my dear, that is where the real learning takes place.
     Think about it. The best lesson you learned is when you lost that job because you were sneaking fries or when you called in sick and then were spotted at the concert. Your momma told you all day long to be honest, to tell the truth, however, sadly, it is the lesson learned the hard way that you most remember. Does it HAVE to be that way? No. But often times our imperfections...or our inflated self-image telling us that "no one will notice or care" get the better of us---- especially if we were raised in a "you can do anything you want" environment. It would be a parent's dream-come-true if ALL lessons were learned by simple instruction...rather than by life experiences.
     In order to be a good winner you have to be a good loser. Who is going to teach your child not to gloat or throw a fit.... to win AND lose graciously....if not for  you. We can not manipulate the circumstances of our children's lives to make everything fair and perfect....and then expect that as teenagers they understand the trials and tribulations of a less than perfect, and most certainly un-fair, world. It isn't fair when someone else gets the promotion that you think you deserve...and if all they know is being a sore loser and quitting when the going gets tough..... will they quickly quit the job?? What about later, will they quit college...their marriage?
     I have known parents who would have an all-out melt down if their child's play-date was cancelled. Oh no, WHAT were they going to do? After-all...they didn't want their precious child to be DISAPPOINTED! ARGH! So they would scramble to make it to ChuckECheese or a movie so that there would be no sad faces.
     Cry me a river! Teach your child that there will be times when things don't work out as planned and help them  make choices NOT to be disarmed by them!
     Am I advocating that we tell our children that life is tough....get a helmet? No! I am merely saying that as much as we teach them to say "please" and "thank-you", we should also include teaching them how to roll with the punches.
     Be the Parent and love them into being healthy individuals with good self-images by teaching them that there is a lot to learn in a mistake, in a lost job, in a missed opportunity and even in failure. Help them to be proud of themselves for not only making it through a difficult circumstance......but also for making better choices next time.

This means WAR!

What part of this war did you think was going to be easy?

In this express-paced my-day-is-set-to-a-sound-track world our children are growing up in, there is a mega war going on for their attention as well as their self-image. Every day society is vying for our children's attention to persuade them to change or conform to an advertised image while we spend our time teaching our children our values as we work toward shaping their character. Christians use the Bible as their moral compass and guide, other religions use other guidelines...but we have our own set ideas and desires for the outcome~ raising compassionate adults who are productive in society - an asset rather than a burden- aware of their purpose in the world with the gumption to make things happen while being self-satisfied.

Did you ever expect to see TVs and dvd players in our cars? Why, when we were kids, we counted cows and liked it! But that is a whole 'nother rabbit trail! The point is ( yes, there IS a point) that daily, almost no matter where they are, our children are being not just influenced by, but assaulted with, ideas, images and heavy suggestions that they are not who they SHOULD be. On television- not just the commercials but also the character identification- in restaurants, in school, in the bathroom stall for that matter, while riding down the road- both roadside ads and radio , practically everywhere they look there is some ad or message to tell them what they have, do, need, or look like needs to be different if they are to be satisfied with their lives.

According to Jean Kilbourne, who has been studying ads' cultural impact for almost 20 years in an interview by Nan Knutsen:"....advertising's influence is cumulative and primarily unconscious. The less consciously we watch ads, the more deeply we are affected. The average American is exposed to more than 3000 ads a day, and companies spend over $200 billion each year on advertising." 200 BILLION dollars. Wow. I have had people tell me that advertising doesn't effect them. My thought is that it does influence us, otherwise the money wouldn't be spent in the trying. Who among us can't sing a jingle from ages ago? The messages are that we are not cool enough, tall enough, pretty enough, successful enough to be a an acceptable person, therefore we must ascribe to xyz to attain satisfaction.

So, what are our children learning? The next time little-boy throws a fit in the grocery store for some sugary sweet cereal, look beyond the taste buds to the message that cereal carries for him-- that he will only have fun and adventures if he eats that box of cereal. The next time little-girl acts out in the store to get the super short shirt to go with the micro-mini skirt, ask yourself if the message she has received is that she will only be accepted by the other girls as a worthy person if she dresses just like they do, OR that the boys will only pay attention if she follows the cool fashions- and, after-all, if boys don't notice us we have no value - do we?
What is a parent to do? Fight the good fight! Do not sit passively by and let this war rage for your child's self-image and esteem. Yes, parenting is hard. Yes, this war is difficult because this war is not age discriminatory and never ends. But if you are not counteracting this campaign, who will?

Let you children know that is not "stuff" that defines them. Some of you laugh at that because you are already ahead of the game, but haven't we all met people who, as adults, still don't get this message?

Self-satisfied people who know their own value raise children who know the same about themselves.
Be the parent: dispel the lies!

Suspicious minds...........

I was listening to a mommy confession on the radio- a woman was telling about coming out of church noticing that her son was lagging behind the family walking with his hands behind his back, acting a little suspicious. Mom asked what he was doing and received the "nothin" answer while he shuffled along. Mom asked what he had behind his back, "nothin" was the reply. Mom became concerned that he had taken something from church that didn't belong to him, so she asked him to show her what he had behind his back. The boy did not comply. Still concerned that he had something that wasn't his, mom sternly said "show me what you have in your hands!". With head hanging low, the boy brought his hands from behind his back and showed mom the gift he had made her for Mother's Day. Busted surprise! Mom felt terrible and said she learned a life-long lesson that day.
A dad who called in told about how they had company one evening  and while they were still visiting he had put his reluctant young daughter to bed. She came down a few minutes later saying, " dad, there is something furry upstairs." Dad, believing this was a stall tactic, told his daughter to go back upstairs to bed. A few minutes later she returned saying, " dad, there is something furry upstairs." Dad told her to go to bed and stay there. Not too much more time passed and here she came again, but before she could say anything dad grabbed her by the hand and walked her back up the stairs while sternly telling her that she had to stay in her bed. At the top of the stairs he turned and saw a gray-squirrel in the bathroom. Within minutes family and friends were running around with a sheet trying to get the furry creature out of the house. Needless to say, humble pie is best eaten warm!
How many times do we suspect the worst of our child first~ rather than thinking the best? And what message are we sending them with our suspicious minds?
Just something to think about.
Trust is a precious connection in a relationship, especially between parent and child. If your child usually tells the truth~ believe the best not the worst.
Be the parent: build trust.

Let your No be No!

In my opinion, parenting is THE hardest job you will ever have and live to tell about!
You are nourishing bodies and souls, you are shaping character and forming compassionate hearts, as well as creating the leaders of future generations. Yeah, it may seem like all dirty diapers and smeared on baby food right now—but you just wait until you see the end results!
It is all too easy to get tired and overwhelmed because parenting takes soooo much energy, not only physical, but mental as well. Some days it is just easier to say "yeah, yeah" to a request rather than use the energy it would take to enforce a good "NO".
But may I encourage you to look farther down the road? Look at the character you would like your child(ren) to exhibit as adults and make the investment in that character now; no matter the energy it may require.
Children do not get spoiled because they are loved too much, they get spoiled because of inconsistent parenting and no clear boundaries.I am no parenting expert by any means, nor am I a psychologist, but I am a parent and I have seen how this all works. I like to tell parents that they can do this job, they can make it through the harder times and enjoy their children now and as they get older. However, it takes time and commitment.
The short term "yes" may give you peace for the moment, but the harder "no" may give you peace for many years. Think about it.
There is a lot of love behind a “no”.
Be the Parent: see the results