Cleanup On Isle Three

         You fight the burning desire to look up to see who is watching your five-year-old have a melt down on isle 3-- knowing the judgment that will be evident on their faces. "You come over here lady and deal with this squealing monkey if you think you can do a better job"...is what you would like to say--- if you had enough nerve. But it would seem that Jr. just stepped on the last one you had. 

      Don't overcompensate to prove to the nosy grandma lingering over the shredded-wheat as if she really was experiencing a dilemma over which fiber  to buy --that you've got this. This isn't about you. It IS about your child. What you do next either works toward changing a behavior or reinforcing it. Pressure builds. What's a mother to do? Breathe. It really is the only thing you can do. Just take a moment and breathe. It is not the end of the world but it is part of the job and a hurdle to be sure. 

     Is all this REALLY about the Choc-O cereal or is it about the time of day? Have you asked too much of your child-- is he hungry? ready for a nap? Have you tried to squeeze a quick-run-into-the-store into an already difficult day? If so, count your loses and make your exit plan.  Deny the desire to just-give-him-the-cereal-so-he-will-shut-up-already. Resist the urge to yell or smack your child.  Tell Jr. that throwing himself on the floor is not acceptable-- in whatever phrases he understands--insist he stands up, take his hand and with as much dignity as you can muster-- walk out of the store.  A store employee will have been watching the kiddie-show and will get the groceries restocked. At this moment, the most important players are your child and you. There is no need to fuss at him about his bad behavior; just put him in his booster seat and drive home. Whatever you thought you had to have will have to be gotten later. 

      When the timing is bad, you can't expect your child to give you the behavior you desire if he doesn't have it in him.

     HOWEVER, if this is not a timing issue, but rather a behavior issue, use it as a teachable moment. With eye-to-eye contact ( and no regard to lingering granny) quietly explain  what is expected. When you get quiet your child has to get quiet to hear what you have to say-- just in case it is "YES you can have what you want". Tell Jr. he can either walk calmly with you or ride in the cart and that throwing a fit will not get him what he is crying for. Stand perfectly still until he contains himself. Yes, even if it takes a few minutes. You are investing in his future behavior here.  When he gets quiet, continue on with your shopping. Now, engage him in some positive conversation. Help him redeem himself and regain some self-control ( both of you). Ask him to point out where the milk is. When there are options--- raisins or applesauce-- let him make the choice. Praise his good behavior and helpfulness. What 5 year old WANTS to be dragged through the boring task of grocery shopping? If it is a big shopping trip, offer a reward for good behavior to be awarded when you are done.. Kind of like a paycheck at the end of the job. Remind him along the way that he is earning his reward by good behavior.

     Timing is everything. BE THE MOM: don't ask the impossible at an improbable time. Teach and train: set your child up for success and enjoy your time with him!
    

The Girl They Sing About

"Be the girl they sing about" -- a great catch phrase on a billboard in Nashville. For a split second I thought "ahhhh, how sweet";  love songs flashed through my head...the I love you, gotta get close to you, gotta show you--- won't you be mine--- kind of songs. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine....And~ I will always love you......songs. Images of  wholesome girls with sweet smiles twirling in fields of flowers danced in my head. But those thoughts came to a screeching halt when I saw the dim product image on the left side of the billboard--- some kind of vitamin water and the word that was most notable --- ZERO. As in zero calories. I was crushed. I have no idea about the original intent behind the ad campaign but I can tell you, the quick message I took from it as I flew by was...... ZERO calories. Count the calories.  You can be the girl that men sing about IF you LOOK right; IF you are skinny enough.   You can be the girl in the love songs IF you do whatever it takes to take the weight off or keep yourself in a size zero jean. ZERO. You can be the girl wooed and pursued IF you count those calories and perform to media expectations.
It just crushed me for every young girl who would see that advertisement and hear the message that they are not desirable, not candidates for THOSE songs unless they are counting those calories.
Mom, make sure that you are doing what it takes to counter the information your daughter is bombarded with each day~ via electronic media, print media,sports and movie stars, visual advertisements ( which are also in schools) peer pressure etc. It seems that no matter where they turn, the message to our daughters is they  don't measure up to the perceived perfection of their generation as they are: changes must be made.
You really will have to go above and beyond the call of duty to shout louder than the media frenzy. You have to help them  know their value from the inside out. That counts for the girls who are size zero too. The Zero girls think they have arrived and that nothing more is required of them; they may feel as though they are better than those who don't look as good as they do. They can be Empty Beautiful Shells. I am not saying ALL skinny girls are shallow, I am saying that the girls who WORK at being size zero at all costs, are striving for the wrong goals.
We know that the heart of a woman and how she relates to the people around her are her most beautiful assets with no calorie counting required.
BE THE MOM: monitor your daughter's self esteem....make it a topic of conversation.Make SURE she knows that she is beautiful for who she is and that is what makes her the girl the world sings about.