Your first reaction is to regal her with ALL you have done for her lately; " haven't I just taken you to the baseball game? And didn't I just buy you a new bicycle???" You do all you can to talk her out of the way she is feeling-- telling her her feelings aren't valid-- but the cry of her heart is still the same. Nobody loves me-- because it feels that way and her love tank is on empty.
Step back and look at the bigger picture. What is truly the cry of her heart? SOMEBODY show me love the way I need it. Pure and simple.
Our differences are what make us unique and they are also what make us mysterious to anyone who may not be like us. We give what we know. We love the way it comes naturally to us. However, that may not be what the recipient of our love NEEDS.
You can give an elephant a rocking chair-- well, enough said.
Love languages. We give love and receive love in a variety of ways-- there is no one-size-fits-all in the language of love. It just is what it is.
We are born with a big question in our heart-- Do You Love Me? We walk through this lifetime posing that question to (most) all we encounter. Not necessarily by words, but most assuredly by deeds. From infancy to death we ask: Do YOU love ME? Sometimes the echo back is a resounding YES! in a language we understand...and sometimes it is so foreign we can only shake our head and walk away-- with an empty love tank and a hunger to fill it. Sometimes we look for love in all the wrong places and find that the interpretation is not what we imagined it would be.
So-- how do we speak the language of love to our children so that they skip away full and ready to meet the world? Learn the languages and speak fluently.
Dr. Gary Chapman and Dr. Ross Campbell M.D list the 5 Love Languages as Acts of Service, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch and Receiving Gifts ( detailed in their many books including The 5 Love Languages of Children). According to them, children from infancy to about 5 years old need to be spoken to in all 5 languages-- and as they get older you will see that their are certain languages that speak love more clearly/deeply to them.
There are ways to understand the language the recipient needs to hear, they are usually letting the people around them know by words and actions-- if the giver will just take time to observe and interpret.
The child who speaks Acts of Service may say: Help me! He may be perfectly capable of doing something, but he wants you to do it WITH him.
The child who speaks Quality Time may say: Play this with me, or Don't leave me, or may do things that capture your attention ( positively or negatively).
The child who speaks Words of Affirmation may say: Did you see me do that? Do you like my picture? As much as this child is uplifted by your words of encouragement and praise , he is deeply wounded by your criticism.
The child who speaks Physical Touch may say: Hold me! Sit by ME. I Neeeed you. Teens may not act like they want your hugs but they secretly yearn for them.
The child who speaks Receiving Gifts may say: What did you bring me? Lets get Grandma a flower! Look what I brought you! The receiver of gifts also likes to give gifts-- that is the telltale sign and distinguishes him from a spoiled child!
We certainly benefit from all the ways love is demonstrated throughout our life time-- but we do have a preference or two that make our heart SING!
BE THE MOM: Observe your children and listen to the language of their heart. Learn to speak the 5 Love Languages fluently and do it often.
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