What I learned Teaching Parenting Classes In Prison

   

  What I learned in prison.
     I learned that the women in the prison started out as girls with dreams for a bright future. They are surprised when the first lesson I teach in a parenting class is that you can't give what you don't have--- so you have to love and take care of yourself first. It is thought provoking when I say-- if you are full of anger and bitterness, anger and bitterness seep into your life and into your parenting. They are shocked and saddened when I talk about what healthy parenting looks like. They are women who have been wounded in their upbringing  but are beginning to understand that they can make better choices to influence their own children and change the future. That they may have had a bad beginning, but they can have a better finish. I learned that tears flow freely-- as we touch deep wounds and look to be healed, healthy and whole. And I am blessed that they trust me enough to share their lives with me.

     The ladies that attend my parenting class, in a Prison for Women where I teach, want me to share something with you:
       Ladies, if the man you are living with is abusive or aggressive with you-- and you think it is ok because he isn't that way with the kids---more than likely he WILL flip a switch and be abusive with your children at some point. And if anything happens to your kids-- not only will you have to live with the remorse and guilt that you could have saved your child from that pain or death, you will also be held accountable. It is called "Failure to Protect".

     If he uses ( drugs) of any kind and you know about it and anything happens to your kids-- again, not only will you have to live with knowing you could have prevented a tragedy-- you will be held accountable.

     If the man you are living with is verbally abusive or if he is aggressive in his approach to discipline the children -- locking them in their room, locking them out of the house, failing to provide or withholding food and things they need--and anything happens to them,  you will be held accountable.

      They want you to know: trust your gut and read the red flags--- making sure your children have a house to live in, food to eat and clothes to wear is NOT the reason to stay. It does not make it all right to sacrifice their wellbeing. What your children carry with them-- if they survive-- is a wound so deep it becomes a part of who they are, they will let it become their new normal and allow it to be repeated later in their lives. They will live with it or marry it.
     If your kids have to keep family secrets-- if they can't tell everything that is going on in your home and are forced to believe it isn't sooo bad- if you find yourself making excuses for his behavior----take your children and get out. NOW.
      This warning comes from women who are doing time, not because they abused their children but because they did not get their children out of unstable living conditions and something bad happened. They are doing prison time for "failure to protect".
      They said that if just one of you who reads this gets up, packs up and takes your children to a safer place, they will be happy to have saved a life. 

      One of the things I have discussed with the ladies in the Parenting class is what it cost their children for their mom to be doing prison time. They are quite sure that what their children are going through with their mom in prison is far worse than it would have been to leave an unstable home and start a new life.

      They aren't kidding. Failure to provide is no joke.

BE THE MOM: Think beyond today. Trust your instinct to get out. "Not so bad" IS bad. Protect your children at all cost.

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