Be The Parent

AS I write this article, one of my children is cleaning their room, another is working on a school project, one is in Montana, and one is in Missouri on spring break with friends. The other is in her apartment in Nashville but called a little while ago to let me know what she was doing. I just finished helping one son with his taxes , there are clothes in the dryer that need to be folded, 2 cats that need to be fed ( and the litter scooped , yuck) one bathroom that needs cleaning and it is time to go to bed. Sound familiar? Not enough time and oh, so much to do! No wonder there is little time to do the things we WANT to do with our children! Most of our time is spent in what I call “fly-by parenting”, you know, the “hey, stop-hitting-your-sister- get- your –shoes- on -and -get –in- the- car -because –we- are- late- again “ parenting.
Wouldn’t you like it to be different? Wouldn’t you like your children to obey what you say- without a fight? Wouldn’t you like to have more smiles in your house and less whining? From you AND your children?
It is possible but it will take a little effort and time. It is like when you bring your sweet bundle-of-joy home from the hospital and then it turns into a crying a machine. You eventually know ( and hear from MANY friends) that if you let them cry it out for a few nights- they will sleep through the night- which is infinitely better than hearing them cry each night for a few months! You don’t believe it, but if you brave it out, you are delighted that it works! The same is true for your parenting, if you will invest a few days of concentrated parenting, you will enjoy better behavior from your children! But, you gotta BE THE PARENT!!
I am no parenting expert, I consider myself a parenting coach having earned my title though the school of hard knocks and experience. I teach parenting classes and mentor young moms and enjoy helping parents be all they can be, yeah, kind of like the Army.
The first lesson: consistency. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t be a wimp and bargain with your child; don’t try to talk them into doing what they are supposed to do, teach them the boundaries that they need in their lives. Let your “yes” mean “yes” and your “no” mean “NO”. If you say “yes, you may have a cookie”, your children know you mean it and don’t have to ask repeatedly. One “yes” and they move for that cookie. Why isn’t it the same when you say “no”? Because they know you don’t mean it! They know that if they ask repeatedly, you will most likely cave-in by the 18th or 19th time. Sometimes they are surprised, and delighted that you give in at pestering mile marker 12! Teach your children to be reliable by being reliable. Make them understand that there are real consequences in this life if we do not do the things we should and even greater consequences if we do the things we shouldn’t! If you don’t do the work in REAL life, you don’t get the paycheck! Try being consistent for 3 days straight and watch your children learn to believe that what you say is TRUE and that they can trust you.
Be- DEPENDABLE MOM, and grow dependable children!