Gimmy, gimmy!

"But I NEEEEED it!!" are words often heard hearlded throughout Walmart. Not just from kids either, and quite often in my own head! Bright and shiney NEW things can be very attractive, and the millions spent on advertiseing yearly prove the success of ~ if you see it you want it!
But what about teaching our children the difference, say, between "want" and "need"? Do they (we, I) really NEEED it or is it a desire? Not that wants and desires are bad, but they are not imperative. And giving into every want makes for a dissatisfied child who becomes an adult who can not delay gratification- he/she has got to have it NOW, at any cost. And like all shiney things, the NEW wears off and they are on to the next thing they HAVE to have. Do we really want to raise adults like that?
Loving a child does not make a child spoiled, not setting limits does. Not teaching a child to wait for, or earn something they would like to have is a disservice to that child. It may be helpful to us to keep them quiet now, but in the long run we are feeding greed.
So, what to do in the dept. store or grocery store when your child starts with the "I wants" and the "I neeeed its"? First: calmly ask your child if they think they really need what they are asking for ( on a hot day a drink of water really IS a need!) or if it is just something they think they want-- teach them the difference.
Second: if is is within their power to spend their own money on it, you might offer that as an option. I have seen MANY children stop their demands when they realized THEY would have to pay for the item. Or, suggest that they put it on their 'wish' list for their birthday, Christmas or Chanukah . You will be teaching them delayed gratification ( if you don't teach it who will?) and a cool down period when deciding what to purchase rather than impulse buying.
Third: offer to let your child earn the money ( for non-essentials) by doing chores around the house. Promoting that feeling of accomplishment when he/she marches in the store with their hard earned money for a well thought-out purchase.
Now, what if the child is TWO you are screaming at the screen............THAT is more about tantrum control. You create the monster by giving a toy or treat EVERYTIME you enter a store, and you have to defuse that same monster. You will need to talk briefly about it BEFORE you enter the store and then STICK TO YOUR DECISION!! DO NOT GIVE IN! Will there be tears? YES, and your two year old will cry too ( lol), but the both of you will get through it! The first NO is the hardest. But eventually you will both get the hang of it. Can there be rewards for a child who sits still through the long ordeal of a big weekly shopping trip- YES> But better still, do yourselves a favor and leave your small children at home with an adult or baby sitter to save them from the torture! It would be the equivalent of you having to sit through 2 hours of stand-still traffic with no music and no cell phone!! I used to shop at 10:00 at night when my husband came home so that I could go without children which is sooooo much better for all involved.
Remember that you are not raising children you are raising adults and 35 years olds having greedy tantrums is just not pretty!
Be the parent: teach self control!