Walking into the family room, with an exasperated sigh, you stare at the array of toys that have been flung about and wonder if you will ever see your children actually pick up anything and put it away-- without being MADE to. You hear them in the next room yelling at the top of their lungs knowing they are creating more chaos and the thought that they would ever operate in peace is as far flung from your reality as the toys scattered before you. It just doesn’t look good for the home team, and as the coach,you feel like a failure.
With all the teaching and training that you do, all the time-outs
and the extra choirs that you assign—you would think that you would see the
good behavior and character that you were hoping for. That seems to be a fair
expectation….after all, you are doing the right things and you expect right
results. Right?
And yet, somehow your experience and reality don’t line up with
your expectations.
Take heart! Just as it takes time for fruit trees to grow and
mature before the fruit is produced, such is the way in raising children. We
would like to think that we could guide and instruct and then presto-change-o,
we would see perfect behavior manifest in our perfect, angelic children. Not so
fast. There is a G-R-O-O-O-WING season that requires time to accomplish its
good work.
If you keep doing the next right thing, if you keep pouring into
their little lives in a healthy and productive way, you WILL see responsibility
demonstrated freely, you will hear love shared and you will experience unity as
a family. The changes will appear little by little and then more and
more. As your children grow into young adults you will GO to a movie WITH
your child…not just take him to a movie. You will talk WITH your maturing child
not just at him. You will enjoy seeing your children morph into young
adults….and your heart will be delighted.
“I have to wait until they are ADULS to realize the fruits of my
labor?” you shout. Although you will witness seasons of growth
in adolescence and that progress will be exciting....the basic answer to
that question is -yes. You do the work and the nurturing as you lead them
through their childhood---aka the growing years—and then you begin to remove
yourself from the parenting role and enjoy the results of your years of
dedication and diligence.
My oldest son called me this weekend and offered to drive the hour
out to my house to work on my “to do” list. Like I would say NO?!? He came out
and fixed my fence, trimmed trees and covered up the pool—all things I can’t do
myself. One of the best parts of that gift was that it came unsolicited!! It
makes me happy when I get to go out with my adult daughters and/or sons
to dinner or a movie…and I truly enjoy their company as well as watching them
in relationships with one another.
Don’t give up or grow weary in your well doing. Being the parent
can seem like such a thankless job as you work 24/7 —without seeing the
fabulous end results. But please know there is a lot of internal work taking
place while you are waiting for a peek at the yield. BE THE PARENT: Do the work
and reap the bountiful harvest!
